


Ghost of Christmas

by AceVonS



Series: Mr. President [1]
Category: Designated Survivor (TV), NCIS
Genre: Adult Content, Adult Language, Alex dies pre show, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cheesy, Crossover, F-bombs, F/M, Fandom Allusions & Cliches & References, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, M/M, Male Slash, Naughtiness, Not Beta Read, Pansexual Character, Sadness, alternative universe, gay relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-09-26 14:32:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17143520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceVonS/pseuds/AceVonS
Summary: Anthony Dinozzo feels shitty, but he meets someone who could change his whole future. Will he take the chance?





	1. Stranger Things Have Happened

**Author's Note:**

> Tom/Tony pairing was something I never knew I needed until I read hellbells' Designate: First Husband story here on ao3. So all the credit to hellbells who got me out of my writing slump. That story inspired me so much that I have no words.

The night felt cold and he knew he should've put on his thicker coat. That had been a couple of days ago and the weather had taken a turn to worse while he'd been away. He hadn’t been home in three days and DC. had turned into a freaking winter wonderland while the case had kept him busy. 

One way or another, it all ended up with him freezing his ass off and cursing the weather and his lack of foresight. He should've seen further ahead. He was in a foul mood and the cold definitely didn't make him want to skip around the town.

The weather wasn't the only thing souring his mood. It was Christmas. He had never been a big fan of the holiday. Mostly because he had spent them on his own as long as he could remember. He was used to being alone while others spent time with their families and it did make him a bit sad, but such was life. 

Sometimes he thought that he was so unlovable that no one wanted to spend Christmas with him. Those thoughts usually came to his thoughts as he lay awake and couldn't sleep. He was often able to push them away, but sometimes he wallowed in his self-pity. 

As a child his father more often than not left him in a hotel to fend for himself and left God knows where. He was always working an angle, a con or chasing another skirt. Tony didn't know where the man went, and he didn't care. 

Granted, his father's schemes had enabled him to buy his apartment at such a young age. It was the only reason he could afford to own his apartment in downtown Washington DC. But Tony would rather rent in suburbs and have a loving family that have this loneliness. He just felt so damn alone and miserable. 

That was not fair either; Gibbs had asked him to come to dinner that he would cook. Tony had agreed to go, so he wouldn’t be completely alone this year. Which was a nice change to his normal routine of drinking alone or working. It was so his luck that he had the Christmas free this year. Usually he was the first to volunteer to work through the holidays, take all the extra sifts he could. But this time his plans had fallen through. The grueling case they had just solved took its toll. And the team had been told to take a week off. Gibbs was not happy about it and neither was Tony.

Tony gave a deep sigh and cringed as his breath came out in a puff of smoke. He was dead tired and the only thing he dreamed about was the soft bed his apartment hid inside.

His thoughts turned to his childhood and teen years. It was inevitable, they always did and he hated it. He would rather forget those memories. All in all his father had spent three or four Christmases with him since his mother had died. After that it had been an endless parade of women. For Tony it had meant lonely nights and days in hotel rooms. 

The memories were sad and that is why he would've been rather at work like he had planned. It was too bad that the case had come to them when it had. It was good that they caught the sick son of a bitch before he hurt or killed anyone else. He had been at work during the Christmas time ever since he became a law enforcement officer. He did not like this idleness. It gave him time to think. 

Of course he could always go to a bar and pick someone up, someone who would be looking for sweet oblivion. A moment where they did not have to think or remember. People who were just as fucked up as he was. He didn't hate Christmas, but he didn't enjoy nor cherish it like most people.

He could understand that some actually wanted to spend some time alone. There were people who enjoyed that kind of thing, but he wasn't one of them. So trying to stay busy was what he had been good at. Working with Gibbs had been a gift from above if you thought it this way. The older man had no qualms about calling them to work whenever and is usually suited Tony.

But as things go, sometimes, some things are bound to change. For things are always sifting, moving and evolving. What was yesterday could be gone in a blink of an eye. What happened to Tony was no different.

 

Let us go back to the beginning. When out story started the skies were black. The streets were bathing in artificial light as modern cities do. There was a smattering of snow on the ground and the weather forecast had promised more. It would make the already hazardous streets even more dangerous.

Tony was on his way back from work and the case they had worked for two weeks was finally over and done with. Gibbs had been a pain in the ass. He had gotten more and more grumpy as the days went by with them being no closer to solving it. They had cracked the case wide open in the end and that had lead to Tony current dilemma.

He was sad and tired and wanted nothing more than to sleep and forget the merry making. He did not look forward to his empty apartment no matter how much he longed for his own bed.

He gave another deep sigh as he entered his home. He threw his keys on the table beside the door, put his gun away after making sure the door was locked and bolted. One could call him paranoid if they so wished, but the things he had seen. They were enough to make anyone paranoid and err in the side of caution.

He was freezing, and he knew he needed to get warm soon. A warm shower should make him feel better, he was certain of that. He was not wrong. 

After soaking in the shower perhaps longer that he should have. He tried to sleep but could not. He tried everything he could think of, but he could not fall asleep. He had a gut feeling that sleeping was not something he should be doing right now.

In the end he decided to listen his instincts. He put on enough warm clothes that he could have survived in the Antarctica., but he only went to take a little walk. He took his gun and badge with him, just in case. There were all kinds of lunatics walking the streets at night. 

When he had been younger, he would often spend most of his nights walking around the city he lived in. It taught him more about the city and life than he had learned anywhere else. Then he had grown older and these moods rarely overtook him anymore. Though sometimes the sneaky bastards crept up on him and without any warning jumped on him. 

When he had walked the streets at night more often, some people had even thought to offer him money for sex. He never took them up on it, then again, he never arrested them either. He could only hope that no one had been killed or raped because of his inaction. But that one was between him and his maker.

He was almost certain that no one had been. He was good at reading people. Working with Gibbs had taught him to follow his instincts no matter what. After all instinct was an ancient survival mechanism. I you honed and listened to it, it would rarely lead one astray. 

In his line of work, good instincts made all the difference in the world. It was often the last line between life and death and Tony trusted that gut feeling. It had kept him alive this far. All right, he had been close to death a couple of times, closer than he would ever liked to be again. But it was in the past now, no use lingering there any more tonight. 

He tried not to think about it. But he still sometimes saw nightmares about those damned blue lights and the y. pestis.

Tony knew that some would shake their heads in disbelief if they knew how much he trusted his gut feelings. But he did and now he did what felt right. 

First, he walked around aimlessly. There was something he was searching for, but he did not know what it was yet. He would know when he found it. It did not make much sense when said aloud, but it made sense to him. And he was armed in case things got hairy, he would be fine.

He was more relaxed now, after the shower and the warmth of his clothes. He could actually enjoy the beauty of the night without feeling depressed or anxious. Granted there were less people cheery people out at this time of the night. There were less people around, period. 

Tony liked the night, even with the icy streets and the cold weather. Even with he wintry darkness around him, the city was never truly dark. He knew that he should not look for the stars here. He would not see any. Tony had seen the starry sky a few times while they had been on a case and it had made him gasp for breath. 

The DC. had always been beautiful to him, not starry sky beautiful, but more rugged kind of beautiful. The Christmas lights made thing beautiful that much he had to admit. Of course, there were some garish displays and he tried his hardest to ignore those places.

So, it was safe to say that Tony didn't mind the walk, but his gut was itching. He did the sensible thing and followed it to where it led. That is how he found himself in a park not far from his apartment.

Parks generally were not very inviting places after the darkness fell and not the safest. All kinds of unsavoury creatures surfaced in there. Tony thought that park were the only places in the city where true darkness lay, hidden in the shadows. He could not remember how many bodies they had found in parks after the morning had chased the shadows away.

There ground crunched under his feet as he walked the sandy pathway. He did not get very far when he stepped on a patch of ice and almost fell over. He hoped no one had seen his rendition of Bambi on ice. He brushed himself off quickly and shook his head. He hated ice except in the summer heat, then ice was his best friend.

He turned around when he heard an alarmed cry right behind him. His hand had reached for his gun before any conscious thought. But he drew his hand away to catch the woman who did not fare as well on the ice as he did. Tony managed to catch her before she fell.

It all happened like in the movies. You know the beautiful blonde woman was in distress and our hero swoops in and saves the damsel. For a moment, it looks like they both would fall, but in the end managed to stay upright. In this case all Tony did was to catch her and she found herself pulled very close to him. She swallowed when she felt his arms around her. She pulled back and gave him a shy grin.

“Oh, I am so sorry. I did not mean to… there was a patch of ice and I did not see it until it was too late. And these heels are not good for ice.” She rambled, and Tony noticed that she was right. Her shoes were not very practical for the ice streets of DC.

“Well you are not wrong.” Tony commented still looking at the high heeled hazards. When his eyes met hers, he was blinded by her smile.

“No, they are not. But I couldn't get a cab and I really wanted to get home.” She admitted.

“I am just glad I could save you from closer contact with the ground.” Tony said and grinned. “In fact, I almost fell over on that same spot, so who am I to say anything?” 

She laughed and introduced herself.

“I'm Alex.”


	2. Is This For Real?

_She laughed and introduced herself._

_“I am Alex.”_

 

“Tony.” They shook hands. “Nice to meet you Alex.” 

“You as well, Tony.”

They were silent for a while, both feeling shy.

Tony broke the silence that had fallen over them. “I probably shouldn't be asking this, but... what on earth is a woman of your caliber doing here at this hour? You told me you could not get a cab, but parks are dangerous during nights. Even if this is not New York.”

Tony glanced at his watch and it read midnight. He was quite surprised that it was Christmas day already. Granted he had been home quite late and then he'd spent so much time in the shower and after that, trying to sleep.

Alex looked a bit ill at ease. “I haven't been completely honest with you this far, but you wouldn't believe the truth if I told it to you.” Alex seemed certain of that.

It annoyed Tony. Who was this lady? And who was she to pretend to know him? He took a look at her and his anger ebbed away. She looked sad and he wanted to make her smile that lovely smile again. 

“Try me.” He winked. Pretending to be happy had worked before, so she should buy it.

She didn't. “You are angry at me.” Alex said and nodded her head as if knowing why he was that way. “With a good reason as well.” She agreed.

“I'm not angry, not really, a bit annoyed that you think you know me. Know who I am after minutes of meeting me.” Tony decided to be truthful. He had nothing to lose expect a chance with this woman, but since he felt that he had never had any chance with her.

“I will tell you who I am and why I believe I know you.” Alex told him. “Please walk with me.” She requested. She was stalling and she knew that he knew this.

“Is that wise? I mean I could a granny kicking serial killer. Or a sexual deviant, waiting for an opportune moment to bounce. You should be careful, because you know nothing of me.” Tony warned her.

She just smiled. “I am sure you are a sexual deviant of some sort, but one of the good kind of perverts.” 

Tony grinned at her holding out his arm for her to grab if she so chose. She took it and they strolled down the pathways in the park as they talked some more.

“I am curious. How would you know that I'm one of the good sort?”

“Your eyes, Tony, your eyes. They are kind.” She smiled up at him.

“They say that eyes are windows to the soul. Would you like to know what I see when I look into your beautiful eyes?”

That gave Tony a pause. Was she flirting with him? He decided that she was, but it was friendly banter rather than anything sexual.

“I have to admit that while I do want to know, I am also terrified.” He finally murmured.

“You don't have to be.” She patted his arm. 

“When I look into your eyes, I see a wounded man who has been through hell and come out on top. There is loneliness in there, but I sense a kind and loyal heart. To quote something I once saw. 'The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest and the most damaged people are the wisest.'" She paused. Neither one of them spoke for a while, there was no need.

Then she continued. "I have a feeling that you hide a lot of things behind that smirk of yours. Ad it is my firm belief that it has dropped a few panties.” She grinned, she was a woman and well, she had eyes. Tony was smoking hot. 

He chuckled even when the things she said hit way to close to home.

She paused again making him pause as well. She turned to face him and cupped his cheek with her hand. “I see a good man in your eyes. I do believe that with all my heart, you are a good man, Tony and that is why I am here.”

Tony was close to tears. Who would have known that the kindness of a stranger would hit him so hard? He cleared his throat a couple of times before he even tried to speak. “Thank you.” Was all could manage before his voice broke down.

“No need to thank me. I only spoke the truth.” Alex was aware how ridiculous that sounded. She had after all admitted earlier that she had not been truthful with him from the beginning.

“Now come on agent Anthony Dinozzo, we have much to do.” Alex prompted him.

Tony, who had started walking again, paused. “How do you know my name. I mean my full name?” And title, but that part he did not say out loud. 

“This is Washington DC, Tony. Everybody knows everybody or at least has heard of them. And most have some dirt on their neighbors.” She grinned. “And no I'm not a stalker, a murderer or anything of the sort. You have my solemn oath that I mean you no harm.” Alex swore. Tony shivered, he could feel that the oath meant something more than he could comprehend. He felt it settle and knew that she had meant every word of her oath.

“Alright. I choose to believe you.” Tony said and she smiled that sad smile again. It tugged on Tony’s heartstrings, but there was nothing he could do for now.

They continued their walk and Tony felt in his gut that this was the right thing to do. He had found what he had been searching for.

“Where would you like to go?” He asked because walking around a park was not what he had in mind. He was freezing, though less than he would have thought.

“I know this all is freaking you out.” She said. 

Tony snorted. “You could say that.” There was no denying it.

“Please bear with me a while longer while I try to explain this. Or show, whichever works.” Alex told him. She was serious, they had already wasted so much time.

“Alex, this is so far outside my comfort zone that I am this close of cancelling the whole thing.” Tony showed how close with his thumb and forefinger. 

“I don't know whether to run screaming or give you the chance to explain yourself.” Tony could not even come up with a proper movie reference and it said a lot.

“I know. I know. But I am having trouble figuring out where to begin.” Alex admitted.

“The beginning is usually a good place to start. Quite popular actually.” Tony could not help it, it came out more sarcastic than he had intended to. 

“I am sorry. I'm being an ass. How about we try again? You told me that you name was Alex. Got any last name or are you more like Madonna, only known for one name only?” This time around his grin was kind and she smiled.

“I used to have one. I do not have it anymore, not really anyway.” She was a mystery wrapped up in enigma.

“What? You had a last name, but not anymore?” Tony stared at her, brows furrowed. This whole thing was not making any sense. He kept staring at her hoping that she would say something that made even sliver of sense.

“You're correct.” Alex admitted, but did not clarify her statement. She didn't pay any attention to the fact that it didn't mean much to her companion.

“So who or what are you then?” Tony was getting frustrated and he let it show. He definitely had a wider emotional range than Ron Weasley. At least he had gone through a whole scale of them this evening and he had a feeling that it was far from over. “A ghost of Christmas past?”

Alex laughed, but her laughter wasn't a happy one. She knew that she wasn't making much sense. She knew it was getting on his nerves, but she had to do what she had to do. If she'd come up straight out and told him what was going on... he would not have believed her and left. He would never know what he could learn if he just gave her a chance.

“Something like that.” She admitted. 

Her laughter had made him shiver. It was the laugh of a person who was at their wits’ end, someone who had almost given up hope. He knew that sound, personally.

“Or rather close enough.” Alex amended. “Whether you believe me or not, this is the truth. I am a ghost of Christmas. It means that yes, I am a ghost of Christmas past as you sarcastically put it. But I am the ghost of Christmas present and future as well.” As she spoke her voice sounded strong and deep, like it came from deep of the earth. Her form flickered like a candle flame would when a wind passes it.

It was the first time there was anything supernatural about her and Tony wanted to scream. He took a hasty step or rather two back. His fingers were itching to reach for his gun which was in the holster at his hip.

“The gun will do you no good.” She warned him and sounded disappointed. 

“Oh yes, my apologies my dear lady.” He bit out surprising even himself with how angry he sounded. It had been one of the running themes tonight.

The spirit smiled at him. “I gave you my word agent Tony, I mean you no harm.” She paused and then slowly extended her hand to him. She did not want to frighten him any more than had been necessary. “Will you walk with me a bit more? I have so much to show you, but I will not force you. The choice is yours and yours alone.”

Tony stared at the extended hand. It was steady and it did not waver, not one bit. And why would it? It was the hand of a ghost. Someone who had died and who knew how long they had been dead. It was freaking him out a lot. He did not know what to believe. Was he drunk? He could not remember drinking more than one beer in the last 24 hours. Was he hallucinating? It was not impossible, but what could be making him have this vivid dream? He had not drunk enough to see things, not by a long shot. He had no drugs in his system, of any kind. 

No, the most plausible explanation was that he was so damn tired. It could be that the case had messed up his head more than he had expected. Had he gone FUBAR? Then again it more than likely didn't matter.

“You are not insane or fucked up beyond all reason.” She smiled. “We do not show ourselves often and even then only when we are needed. That Charles Dickens was not as great for PR as one would think.” Alex looked so put out that Tony had to laugh. 

He laughed at the absurdity of this all, he laughed so hard that tears were streaming down his cheeks. That made up his mind. If someone could look so put out because of something an old geezer had done decades and decades ago.

It didn't matter if he believed her or not, but if it was true and he didn't see it through... then he would curse himself for the rest of his life and wonder. He needed to see where this thing went and at least he knew he didn't need to wonder when he was old and wrinkly. So he grabbed the opportunity with both hands and took a leap of faith.

He took her hand and marveled at how patient she was with him. Letting him use all that time to wrap his head around this and make a decision. 

“I am still not sure about this, but I trust my gut and it isn't telling me to run and not look back. So here we are.” He grinned at her. It was more of a grimace, but she wanted to believe that it would turn out into a real smile before she had to return him.

“What is it that you need me to see? Where are we going first?” Tony asked. Now that he had made the decision, it was easier to get excited about all this.

“There is so much I need you to see. And we have already spent too much time walking and talking. Once we start, we are safe, the time will stand still for the duration of our journey.” Alex was passionate as she talked, and Tony found no problem in listening to her.

“There are so many places and things you would love to see, but I will have to stick with what have been chosen for you.” Alex said and grabbed Tony’s hand tighter into hers. “Hold on and don’t let go.”


	3. Shadows of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the journey begins...

_“Hold on and don’t let go.”_

Then Tony felt weightless, like he was either swimming or flying. And when he looked down, he understood. They were in the air like a couple of giant birds. Tony wanted to puke all over the place, but managed to keep it all in. After all his upbringing had taught him good manners and puking a lady was a no-no. But even then he could not stop the whimper that escaped from his tightly pursed lips.

In his shock he had almost let go of Alex’s hand. 

“Don't let go!” Alex admonished him and Tony managed to look a little sheepish but also he looked a little green. It worried Alex a bit. 

He usually had no trouble flying, but he preferred to do it inside an airplane, the more luxurious, the better. This way of flying was way too scary for him.

They were flying above an ocean and the results would be disastrous if Tony were to let go. Tony tried to concentrate and relax so he could enjoy the view. There was water as far as his eyes could see which was not very far since everything was shrouded in darkness. The stars and moon were so bright above them now that the city didn't pollute the darkness with lights.

“Tony, as long as you keep holding on, I promise you that no harm will come to you.” Alex once again reminded him. Tony swallowed hard and closed his eyes. He remembered the odd feeling when Alex had sworn it the first time. But it was hard to have faith in the woman when they were flying without any aid. And no matter how beautiful the stars were, he was getting nauseous. This was not his idea of a fun night.

Only when he could feel solid ground beneath his feet again, did he dare to open his eyes.

He was silent as he took in the holiday decorations and the sand and sun and sea. He gave bone weary sigh. 

He knew where they were and he had spent most of his night trying to forget Christmases like this one. These were the memories he had spent most of his adulthood running away from. Now he seemed to be running towards them with the crazy ghost lady. He still was not certain if hallucinating was off the list. It could have been something he had eaten. Food could be a bit iffy while they were on the case.

Alex didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. She hadn't expected this to be easy, but Tony was intent on thinking that he was hallucinating. She was snapped out of her thoughts by Tony.

 

"Hawaii. We always were here and there over the holidays, this year it was Hawaii, the one after this, I believe was in Italy.” He didn't quite know how he knew what year it was, but he did. 

He had despised this place and all the others with vengeance. “Alex, please. Why have you brought me here? The wounds haven not healed and it’s been over two decades.”

“So you would remember.” Alex said.

“I remember well enough. I have never forgotten this place or any of the others.” Tony was getting angry. He was desperate to get away. It was like she was rubbing salt in his open wounds.

“Shhh, Tony, trust me on this.” Alex approached him like she would a wounded animal. It was the way she had approached her children when they had been angry and hurt, with care and great patience.

Tony was very close to hyperventilating, but tried his best to calm down. It had been a while since his last panic attack. Gibbs knew about his past, but no one else on the team did except for Ducky. Therapy had helped a bit, not that he would ever admit that he needed a psychiatrist to deal with his shitty past.

Alex once more cupped his cheek and whispered. “I could always take you back. No harm no fowl.” She wasn't certain how things would play out of he didn't continue. 

Tony looked her in the eyes and it managed to calm him down a bit. “No. I agreed to this, I agreed to come along. I do not have a choice.” He said.

“You always have a choice.” Alex assured him.

“No, this time I don't. Because if I don't come with you now, I will wonder for the rest of my life and that will drive me insane. Always guessing ‘what if?’ No, I have to see this through.” Tony calmed down more with each word. 

“Alright.” Alex smiled relieved and snapped her fingers. Tony didn't have time to react. He blinked and then they were inside a hotel suite. It was more like an apartment if he was honest. They saw a big Christmas tree in the living room area with huge piles of presents underneath. 

Tony remembered that most of those were for him. He still kneeled down to look at hem. “To Tony. To junior. So many presents for me and only few for him and his flavor of the month.” 

He guessed that his father might have tried to shut up his guilty conscience or something. He remembered how sad he had been in here. Of course he had been excited about the presents at first, who would not? But in the end all he wanted, was to spend time with his dad, like he used to when his mother had been alive.

He looked at the packages underneath the tree and gave another deep sigh. “All these presents for me and I still can remember how abandoned I felt. How lonely I was. Dad and his lady friend had already left for the day, each to do their thing. If they had been there in the first place. You know, I never found out if I had been there alone all night. Or if they had just made the bed and left early." Tony growled.

"She was more than likely drinking margaritas at the beach and he… I don't know. He was probably scamming some poor schmuck.” 

Alex took his hand in hers and squeezed it to reassure him. He was not alone now. She feared how he would react when he saw what would unfold in a few moments. She didn't know it either, but Tony worried her.

She was not worried that he would get violent. He wasn't the kind of man that would go berserk, she feared how it would affect him and his mental state.

Tony’s eyes swam with tears that would not fall. “Why?” He sounded so broken that she pulled him into her arms. She might be a ghost but for the evening she had received a, mostly, corporeal form and for that she was grateful. Otherwise she would not have been able to do this and Tony was in a desperate need of a hug.

It had been a long while since he had thought of his parents, of his mother. “Why? Why did you bring me here?” He asked again. He needed to know why Alex was so cruel as well as so comforting at the same time.

“To heal.” She kissed his cheek as he tried to pull himself together, but he was weary to his bones.

“I don't want to be cruel nor did I intend to be. But you need to see and remember this. For reasons that will become clear to you later. And you need to start healing. You have been hurting enough." Alex caressed his cheek and her heart broke a little at the way Tony leaned into the touch. 

"There will be things in the future when this whole country will need you to be strong.” Alex feared she had said too much already, but he needed to understand. 

Her reassurance did little to calm him down and he did not bother to hide his tears that were finally falling. “How could I be strong enough for the whole country when I can barely hold myself together? I jump from woman to woman to forget. I sleep with men as well for the same reason. Hell I sleep with anyone as long as everyone taking part are consenting adults and having fun. I do that because sex is the only thing that lets me forget, no matter how fleeting the moment.”

She wiped away his tears. “It could be that you need to remember and then let it go.” 

There was nothing he could say to that so he wiped away the rest of his tears and took her hand in his. It was the only thing that anchored him to the reality at the moment. 

Reality, right, it was wonky as well, but it was the only thing he got right now.

Tony and Alex turned to the scene in front of them and watched.

A small ten-year-old Tony came out from his bedroom yawning and wiping the sleep from his eyes. Alex thought that he was too cute for words and awwed. 

Tony glanced at her and grinned. “I was cute then as well.” 

“Oh shut up.” Alex grinned. “Your hair looks more groomed these days, so I say that the child is cuter with that hair of his.”

The child’s hair was a rat’s nest, sticking every which way. His eyes lit up when he saw the tree and the presents under it. He turned on his heel and ran to his father’s and his girlfriend’s room screaming about the gifts.

Alex smiled at the sight, he acted so much like her little Penny did. She missed her daughter so much.

Yet, when he got there, he found an empty room. No one had been there in a while; the bed was made like the maids had left it the night before and Tony felt scared. He didn't know if he'd been there alone all night. It didn't change the fact that he was alone, again, just like had been the year before. He was lonely and scared. 

He was crying when he came out of his father’s room. He stood in the hallway for a while; the he wiped away his tears and disappeared into his own bedroom. He was a bit angry at his father. What kind of man left his child alone for such a long time? 

When he emerged from his room, he was clutching his teddy bear tightly. He loved that teddy bear.

It made the adult Tony smile. “Mr Cuddles. I still have him.” 

Alex smiled at him. Tony was adorable, both of them.

They both turned to watch the scene, no matter how little Tony wanted to see it. 

The lonely child had sat on the floor with his teddy bear clutched tightly to his chest. He began opening his presents. 

He got clothes, toys, books to mention a few. He made a plan to try them all on, then dispose of the old ones he had grown out of or did not like. Then he would pack his suitcase and be ready to go. Like he always was. It was their way of life. 

If you were not ready to leave at moments notice, what you could not pack in ten minutes was left behind. That is why he hated that he got books. He loved them, but they did not make for easy getaways. They were heavy and it hurt to part with them when he had to.

The small boy stared at his gifts and cried. He did not need the stuff. What he wanted was his father's attention and love. What he needed was his mother’s presence, but that was something he could never have again. She passed a way some time ago, Tony was not sure how many years ago it was now. All he knew, was that he missed her something fierce. 

“I want my mummy.” The adults could hear the boy whimpering, his face buried in the fur of the teddy bear. It broke Alex’s heart to see a child in such despair. All she wanted to do was to gather the child in her arms and give him comfort. 

The adult Tony beside her could see these emotions play on her face. He took her hand and squeezed. “Thank you.” He whispered.

“You know, I still miss my mother. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.” He confessed to her.

“I miss my mother as well and my family. Which is funny, kind of, as I am the one who is dead.” Alex snorted. 

Tony grinned at her as they watched the child fall asleep under the tree. He would have time to execute his plan later, this much the older Tony knew. He also knew how much the library would like to have pristine books in their collection.

They watched the child sleep and then suddenly Tony understood. He had been so sad and so lonely that Christmas morning. He had sworn to himself that if he ever had a family to call his own, he would never abandon them like this. That he would never make them feel inferior or unwanted. He would always be there for them. He would never be like senior.

“Now you are getting it.” Alex smiled and squeezed his hand that was still in hers. “That decision has guided you all through your life whether you realize it or not."

“Yes, you are right.” Tony wiped away the tears that he noticed falling down his cheeks.

“I might even try to patch things up with senior. It might not be possible for me to forgive him for everything, but I think I could live with that.” Tony felt hope bloom in chest for the first time in such a long time that it took his breath away. 

Tony looked at Alex. “I am ready to move on from all this. What is next on our agenda?”

“There is another Christmas in the past you need to see. It’s a family that is broken and their fate is bound to you one way or another. How, it is not clear to me yet. This is a learning curve for the both of us. I do know that the decision you make, will affect them as well.” Alex was solemn.

“No pressure.” The snarkiness was not lost on Alex, but she did not react to it. She was well aware how much this would weigh on Tony until he was able to let things go. And believe that they would find their proper course with time. 

Tony didn't understand how could anyone’s fate be bound to him and his decisions? “I pity them. I am not a good guy to depend on.”

Alex was saddened that he still thought so little of himself. Perhaps by the end on their journey he would believe that he was worthy and a good guy in every sense of the word.

“Do not sell yourself short, Tony. You might surprise yourself when the time comes.” Alex smile was mysterious like she knew more things than Tony would ever learn. 

She took his hand and they were flying again.


	4. The Love of a Family part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so long that I cut it in the middle and will post it in two parts.

_She took his hand and they were flying again._

 

Tony would forever deny the shriek that slipped from his lips without his permission. He risked a look at her as they flew and gasped in shock. It was the theme of the night or so it seemed. He was in a constant state of shock. 

Her whole body seemed to shimmer with ethereal light. Her form flickered like it had done the first time he had learned that she was not exactly what she'd seemed to be.

Had her grip on his hand been any less firm than it was, he would have slipped away and been lost forever. She had some forethought and had gripped his hand tight. The grip was so tight that it was bordering on painful.

She glanced at him at his gasp and told him. “Yes, my body does this every time I fly. You missed it the last time around because the act of flying itself had you in a state of shock. You had your eyes closed most of the time. Alex’s smile was warm and it made Tony feel better immediately. 

Or at least he thought that she had smiled, but he couldn't be sure because her face was there and then it kind of wasn'dwt. It was a tad disconcerting to put mildly, but he did feel better so who cared. 

Her body became corporeal once more as they landed in front of a house in what Tony thought to be New York. He was flabbergasted. “How? What? How?”

Alex giggled at him. “Magic. And let's leave it at that.”

“O-kay.” Tony was still a bit out of it. 

They both turned to look at the house. It was well kept, the decorations were tasteful with a modest snowman keeping guard in the front yard. Tony smiled at the sight. “This is beautiful.” He commented.

“Yes, it is. It always was.” Alex agreed her voice filled with emotions Tony had no problems understanding. She was close to tears; her whole being was filled with a terrible grief.

“This was you home.” Tony did bother asking if he was right. He knew that he was.

Alex nodded before replying. “Yes, my house, my home… my family.” She choked on her words. She had known that there was a family involved that was depending on Tony. She had not realized that it was her family.

Her anguish was palpable and Tony did not know what to do. So he did was his gut told him to do. He gathered her into his arms and let he weep.

When she could speak again she thanked him.

“No problem. I guess this... thing... is so that the both of us can heal.” He smiled and wiped her tears away.

“You are right.” She agreed. Or at least that was what she believed. 

“You are not an actual Christmas spirit, are you?” Tony was not angry at her. A couple of hours ago he would have been, but he was not the same man he was then. While much had happened in the short time they had been travelling, much more would still happen. Already Tony felt more free than he had in ages.

“No I am not. Well yes I am, but no, not really.” Alex did not quite know how to explain it.

“That was helpful, thank you.” Tony looked at her like she had grown another head.

“Yeah. Sorry about that. I don't know how to explain this.” Alex looked at her feet.

“Alright, let me guess then.” Tony was a seasoned agent so he might be able to piece together some of the story with what he had noticed so far. Plus he was buying them a bit of time so she could calm down some more.

“Alright, have at it.” Alex challenged him; certain that he would not hit even close to home.

“Okay then. Let’s start with a fact, since you are a ghost that means that you died.” Tony began. 

“Quite right Sherlock.” Alex grinned and Tony glared at her, but otherwise did not react.

“Since you are here with me, you have some unfinished business. Is that not how the stories go?” Tony asked.

“They do indeed.” Alex nodded.

“That makes me think that it has not been that long since you died. I am uncertain how, but it was traumatic to you as well as your family.” Tony continued and did not notice how uncomfortable Alex had grown.

“I don't know how things are after one dies, after all I have only come close to death a few times, but I have not been dead. Because of that this is some wild guess work." He paused.

"With the experiences I have had on this journey... while they are not much, I do believe that the there are ghosts of Christmas. And I would bet that there are ghosts for everything really. But you are a regular human who died. You have nothing else... no other function than to finish the unfinished business and move on. And you landed this job because you… I do not know, asked for it? Anyway you got this job. And here you are with me and I personally believe that it has something to do with your business that needs to be done.” Tony finished and looked how pale Alex looked. Even for a ghost. 

“Are you alright?” Tony was concerned.

“Not really.” Alex told him. “You hit quite close with you assessment of the situation.”

“I am trained to observe.” Was all Tony said. He was not going to apologize for it. His job was what he was good at.

“Truth is that I am not ghost of Christmas, not usually at least. I requested this job or assignment whichever you prefer. I didn't know what this would entail, but I had a strong feeling about this. That I should be here." Alex took a breath she didn't need. 

"My request was accepted because it was part of me moving on. So here I am. Here we are.” Alex explained. She was not ready to talk about the other stuff Tony had mentioned.

“Your request got accepted? There is a… what… a government of ghosts that assign missions? And I was one of these missions?” Tony could not wrap his head around these things he was learning. 

“Not a government, more like elders, but close enough. So let us go with that.” Alex was smiling again. She was proud of him; he was good at his job. Too good as it would seem. But she didn't want to explain ghosts in more detail. Things were complicated enough as it was. “We should get a move on.” She said and squared her shoulders. He would learn these things when it was his turn to die and remain dead.

“It is not going to be easy for you is it?” Tony asked after he had caught up with her.

“No it isn't, but it is something I have do.” 

“I am here for you if you need me.” Tony reassured her and she gave him a small smile. It was all she could manage at the moment, but he understood. It was warm but sad. Tony smiled back. For the duration of this journey he would have her back and she would have his. It was understood in the silence the pair shared.

They walked upstairs together. Tony noticed that his companion was shaking the tiniest bit.

“I never wanted to leave them. Tony, you have to believe that!” Alex wanted him to know this. She needed him to understand that. She would never have abandoned her children if she had been given that option. He had been abandoned is his youth. She had to make him understand that she'd never wanted to abandon her family.

“Shh. Alex, I know. I know that you would've never intentionally left them.” Tony was sure of that. He might not have known the ghost for long, but she seemed to love her family with all that she was or had been.

They reached the landing upstairs and Tony saw her having a bittersweet look on her face. He said nothing, but Alex knew exactly where he was. He was a comforting presence and she was glad that he was here with her. She didn't feel so vulnerable when he was close to her. She sent a silent thanks to the elders and knew they would hear it. When you are a ghost, there is precious little privacy. You are connected, all the time, but one gets used to it soon enough. Some took longer, but in the end everyone got used to it.

Alex tapped Tony’s arm to get his attention and she steered him towards the bedroom. It was where they needed to be to see what was about to happen.

“This feels all kind of wrong.” Tony commented. “Don'tt get me wrong. I do love it when I get to take a beautiful woman into the bedroom… but there is the fact that this is not my bedroom. I kind of feel like a predator or a stalker and it is not a feeling I like.” Tony didn't like where this was going or where he thought this was going. 

Alex snickered at his discomfort. Tony was a great distraction from her own grief. “From what I know it will not be long and it will not hurt your delicate sensibilities.”

“I am glad that you find amusement at my discomfort." Tony sniffed at her. "I hope you are sure because otherwise I might have to cover my eyes and trust you to tell me when it is safe to open them.” Tony was glad that she was smiling again. He knew that it could change at any moment and it was completely understandable. 

“Or I might even have to bleach my brain and that is one operation I am not keen on doing.” He had made Alex laugh so he considered this a success. Even if he still felt like a pervert, sneaking in other people’s bedrooms.

They entered the bedroom and saw Alex sitting on the bed working on her laptop. Her husband was asleep beside her.

"Well this feels odd. You are here and there... " Tony quieted down after he heard his companion sniff.

She knelt beside her husband. She raised her hand as if to caress his face, but she drew the hand back just before it touched him. She did not know if he could feel it or not, but better safe than sorry. But something had roused him from his slumber and he opened his eyes. He looked around as if searching for something, still evidently half asleep. When he saw Alex, the one beside him, it seemed like his whole being lit up from inside. It was a beautiful thing to see.

“Good morning honey.” he greeted her, his voice rough with sleep.

“Good morning darling.” Came her distracted reply. 

“Are you working? On Christmas morning?” He pretended to be offended.

“People do need help every day of the year. Christmas or not.” She began, but stopped when he chuckled.

“You dare to mock me?” She asked playfully. 

“I dare.” he grinned at her. “And it is Christmas.” He whined, but his eyes were laughing.

Tony, who was watching the scene with a wide smile on his face, loved to see a couple who were so in love with each other. He could feel it and he was a spirit right now. Or he thought he was. He was not entirely certain. He wanted that kind of relationship for himself. 

The ghost smiled. She remembered that Christmas morning very well. It had been their last one as a complete family, before that drunken truck driver ripped her away from them. She shook her head to get rid of those images and took a look at Tony who watched the scene transfixed.

She knew that this was what he wanted for himself as well. She could read it on him. And he would get it. This much she knew and there was a high chance that he would get it with the very same man he was now watching.

On the bed the couple had wrestled a bit. “Tom…” The Alex on the bed started, but her husband pulled her to him and kissed her. The kiss was sweet, but it set her in fire. She yearned for him. She did not know how he did it, but he always managed it. 

She put her computer aside when she pulled back to breath.

“You are incorrigible.” She grinned at her husband.

“Thank you.” Tom grinned back at her.

“It was not a compliment!” She shrieked trying to keep it down. She did not want to wake up the kids.

“Yes it was and yes I am.” Tom chuckled making her giggle. He laid back on the bed.

“Yes, it was.” She agreed as she climbed on his lap.

Meanwhile Tony turned to look at the spirit version of Alex and turned his nose up. “You promised that this would not hurt my sensibilities.” Tony was close to whining. He had no aversion to porn, but he did not want to see this, not now. And was not that man familiar, he was certain that he knew the man from somewhere. And this all freaked him out more than a little bit.

“Oh Tony, my dear, get over it.” Alex laughed. “This is not porn and in our youth we would have more than likely asked you to join in if you had been there in our bedroom then. Unless of course you were a homicidal maniac.”

Tony’s jaw almost hit the floor making Alex laugh so hard that she had tears streaming down her face. She had to bend over, she was so winded.

“Alex!”

“Tony!” She mocked. “Just watch the scene.”

“Fine, but if I see a naked ass I am out of here before you can say whoopsie.” Tony warned and Alex burst into laughter again.

“His backside is rather lovely.” Alex commented and Tony blushed. He had noticed while the pair on the bed had been wrestling and hers had not been too shabby either. 

They both turned to watch the scene after they had calmed down.

The pair was kissing. Tom’s hand had wondered to her behind which Tony noticed was rather fine instead of not too shabby.

The pair’s intimate moment was ruined by an unholy screech from the hallway that led to the bedroom.

“Mum! Dad! it is Christmas.” A kid’s voice carried into the room. Tom wished they could lay there very still and very quiet and his little pea would go away. But he knew he was not so lucky, the little menace was like humming bird on a sugar rush when Christmas morning came. He sighed deeply making Alex, who was still on top of him, laugh. It was deep and husky laugh full of promise. All he wanted to do was to throw her on her back and ravish her, but alas, that was not happening.

Tony was happy though. His delicate sensibilities had been saved by the little girl. For that he would always call her his knight in shining armor, even of it would just be in his head.


	5. The Love of a Family part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations of Klingon are at the end of the chapter.
> 
> This is the last chapter that I have edited. I try to edit the next chapter by tomorrow and post it in the evening as usual. But since I have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow, I am warning you guys that there might not be an update tomorrow. Sorry. But I shall endeavor to do my very best.

_For that he would always call her his knight in shining armor, even if it would just be in his head._

The spirit Alex stood beside Tony and gave a small laugh as she took his hand in hers. She needed the emotional support that he had offered. She sniffed a bit and Tony gave her hand a squeeze. He was here and he was real. Or at least as real as one could be in spirit form, to her it was enough though. They kept silent and watched the scene unfold.

The door burst open. Tom had just enough time to turn to his stomach to hide the evidence of what they had been doing before. Alex who had gotten off of him in nick of time caught the little hurricane that hurled herself on the bed. She cuddled her as Tom calmed down. After that Tom was willing to spend the morning cuddling with his daughter. 

Tony gave her a fond look and it warmed the dead heart of Alex. 

“My little knight in shining armor. What is her name?” Tony asked.

“Penny. Her name is Penny. Her older brother Leo, will more than likely soon make an appearance.” Alex said.

“The noble Penny of New York, defender of my virtue.” Tony grinned at Alex. Then it clicked. “Hey, isn’t that the secretary of HUD?”

“Yes, he is or rather he will be. He isn't one in this time frame. He was a college professor before he was an urban planner in the HUD. From the time I got you out of, he was the secretary of the department.” Alex tried to explain, but even she got a bit confused. “I always mess up the tenses. I hope it made sense.”

Tony laughed. “You know I don't think you messed the tenses this time around. So yeah, it made sense.”

Then he blushed and could not quite look at Alex. For fuck’s sake, he had seen the HUD secretary making out with his wife. And he had thought quite naughty thoughts of him and her as well. It was definitely material for his spank bank. He realized that he had just watched a cabinet minister in privacy on his own home. And damn, that man was gorgeous.

“What is it this time?” Alex wanted to know, she had an inkling of what was wrong.

Tony muttered something. “What was that?” Alex asked since she did not quite hear what Tony had said. 

“I said that he's cute.” Tony confessed. It was the truth. That was what he had said out loud. The rest he thought, he would keep a secret.

Alex was grinning like the Cheshire cat. “That is true. Tom is too damn cute for his own good.” And talented in so many ways, but for now she kept that to herself. Tony was blushing hard enough as it was. She had known that his womanizing ways were just a cover, a wall between the man underneath and the man the world saw.

“I am sorry. Talking about your husband like that, well it's not exactly proper.” Tony was a gentleman underneath all the bravado. 

“Do not be. It is the truth after all.” Alex grinned. Tony was exactly the kind of guy Tom could fall for. She could as well. Not that Tony needed to know that. Not now anyway.

She knew that her husband had crushed on men while married to her. He had never done anything with the men he had fallen for, he had respected her that much. Sometimes she would suggest a threesome for his sake, but he had never taken her up for it. And thinking about it now. It was a good thing too. Tom was squeaky clean by Washington standards. It would be another matter if he'd partaken in threesomes. The press would rip him and their family to pieces, because someone always leaked. Usually for money.

But the truth remained, Tony was someone that would have tempted her husband. He might have even taken up her offer.

She grinned at Tony and winked. Tony ducked his head at first, but the looked back up and grinned at her as well. 

They turned to watch the scene.

The trio on the bed was soon joined Leo, like Alex had predicted. The teen looked sleepy and was rubbing his eyes. “Urgh, why are we up so early?”

“Because it is Christmas morning, silly!” Penny bounced on the bed practically vibrating with excitement.

“Really? I had not noticed.” Leo managed to keep his face neutral with great difficulty and was rewarded when Penny’s jaw hit the floor.

“I am kidding of course. I did hear you screeching like a banshee a few moments ago.” Leo grinned at his sister.

“You are mean. Daddy why is he being mean? And what is a banshee?” Penny was always so full of questions.

“He is being mean because he loves to annoy you, and how you love to annoy him. It is a sibling thing.” Tom wanted to laugh, but tried to explain it the best way he could. He remembered the fights he'd had with Trey, his brother and some of them had been spectacular. 

Alex was grinning at him over Penny’s head. “And banshees are not something we should talk about on Christmas morning.” He finished.

“But daddy, I want to know. Please.” Penny brought out the big guns, the puppy eyes. 

Tom looked at her and gave up. “Alright. I will tell you.” 

“Whimp.” Alex mouthed at him, Tom pretended not to notice his wife.

“Now let us see. A banshee is a female spirit. Some say they are a fairy spirit. They brought news that someone was going to die and they did it usually by wailing, shrieking or keening. That last part is what Leo meant. Your shriek was quite loud.” Tom told Penny who was listening carefully. She had paled when Tom had told her what banshees did and almost burst into tears. 

Leo had climbed into the bed as well and gathered Penny into his arms. “I am sorry Penny. I did not meant to upset you so. Like dad said, I only meant that your shriek was loud. Actually I think I still hear it ringing in my head.” 

Penny laid her head on Leo’s chest and said. “I forgive you.” Tom and Alex looked at each other and smiled. They had wonderful kids.

After a while Tom told them to get up. “Alright you hellions, time to get up and have some breakfast. And then…”

“Presents!” Penny jumped up and ran to the kitchen like she had hell hounds on her heel. Tom looked after her,confused. It looked so hilarious that Alex and Leo started laughing.

“Remind me to have her drug tested.” Tom jested. 

“Penny! Presents after breakfast!” He hollered after her. Then he looked at Alex and winked. “Feel free to step in at any time.” 

“I would, but you have things under control.” She had gotten up and stole a kiss from him. 

“Oh eww.” Leo commented.

“What? Are you afraid she gave me cooties?” Tom snarked as they made their way to the kitchen. They entered as Penny was asking her mum what was for breakfast.

Tom saw his opportunity. “Well, I thought I would…”

“Mum!” Leo and Penny both screeched panicked.

This made Alex laugh uncontrollably, both of them. 

“Judging by your kid’s reaction, Tom’s talent lies elsewhere than the kitchen?” Tony asked.

If you only knew, Alex grinned to herself, but out loud she said. “You could say that” and laughed. “He definitely was not a five star chef. The food he made barely passed as food. I think it would have been acceptable in a college dorm, but not in our house. I could manage it a few times a year, but the kids did not and they let him know it.”

“Was he hurt about it?” Tony wanted to know. He knew how much it sucked when you knew you were bad at something and people mocked you for it.

“I don't know. Perhaps at first, but then again he was well aware of his shortcomings in the kitchen.” Alex told him. "And he made more fun of it than anyone else. Though, he could be making fun of it, before anyone else could." Alex mused and it was making her feel like crap. She never wanted to cause her husband grief. 

"Well fuck. I don't know. I hope he wasn't hurt." Alex bit her lip. Tony patted her shoulder.

"I am sorry for bringing it up."

"No, it's okay." She glanced at her companion and with a mutual understanding they turned to the scene once more.

Alex had risen from her chair and leaned in to kiss her husband. She loved kissing him and once more the kids yelled “ewwww.” It made them both laugh. 

“Do not pout my dear. The kids do love you.”

Tom did not want to let her go and kissed her deeply. He did not care about the kids’ outrage, real or not. All that mattered was her.

When they broke apart he told them. “Oh shut up. In a few years you will be doing the same with your significant others. Penny when she is at least thirty and not a day before and even then it will not be certain.” Tom grouched. He was protective of his little pea. 

Alex laughed at him and his grouching.

“He doesn't mean that. What he's saying is that he loves you and wants to protect you. He never wants to see you hurt. Either of you.” Alex looked over to Leo as well as she said this and was rewarded with a small smile.

Penny had a wicked sense of humor for someone so young. "Well there's this boy in school. His name is Pavel and a few days ago he held my hand in class."

Tom's mouth hung open and his eyes bugged out. "What!?" He managed after a while.

Penny couldn't hold her giggles in. "I'm kidding daddy. There's no boy." Penny decided to sit in her father's lap. 

"That was mean, little pea. And where did you get the name?" Tom was still shaken. So much so that Alex had to concentrate on cooking to keep her laughter in.

"Guess." Penny's grin was wide.

Tom paused to think. Then he grinned as well. "Somebody's been watching Star Trek."

"HIja'" Penny giggled and Tom's heart swelled.

" be'Hom valqu' ghaH " He answered.

"What does that mean?"

"She's quite the clever girl." Tony grinned. He was fluent in Klingon, not that he advertised it much. Alex shook her head, Tony was as bad as her husband with the geeky stuff, it seemed.

The scene warmed Tony’s heart and he once more squeezed Alex’s hand that had found it's way in his. 

"It mean's she's quite the clever girl." Tom answered her. He helped her to learn it and how to pronounce it correctly.

Tony wanted to meet the man, they would have so much fun together. He was hot, smart and geeky. The perfect combination. He shook his head and watched the scene.

Somehow Tom had ended up on the couch with Penny and Leo on either side of him cuddling. He would usually be helping Alex by setting the table and such. But every Christmas she had shooed him out of the kitchen. She always told him to spend some time with his kids. So that is what he did.

Tony watched them and he could not deny that he teared up a bit. “They are so at peace with each other.” He managed to choke out. It made him think how he never had this with his own father. Or if he had, he didn't remember it which was pretty much the same thing. He had never been close to his father. And it was making him second guess his decision to try to patch things up with him.

Tony thought again, that this was something he would love to have for himself. He could even see Tom on the couch with the kids as he made some Italian delicacy in the kitchen. 

Then he paused. Tom on the couch with the kids and he was in the kitchen. When had that happened? why was he thinking such domestic stuff already, he hadn't even met the man yet. 

He had started falling for this man so fast that it was pretty much impossible not to. It scared him. He did not believe in love at first sight, but this came so close to it that it wasn't even funny.

He knew that he did not want the meaningless one stands anymore. He wanted a family to call his own. He couldn't deny that he had grown very fond of this one during this little snippet of their lives.

He was brought out of his thoughts by Alex. “The breakfast's served!” Tony watched on with interest, so he missed the smug look his companion was giving him. She had an inkling what was going on and if thing progressed like they had until this point... this would be an easy job. Well partly anyway. She hated that she had to learn things slowly as the journey progressed. It wasn't how these things usually worked. Of course there was nothing usual about this, but it did't mean she had to like how things were.

Tony watched the pretty much perfect family interact. He couldn't help the little pang of jealousy. He remembered the lonely child in that Hawaiian hotel room. That child deserved a family like this as well. 

Alex cupped his cheek and made him look at her. “We are not a perfect family. We never were, but we loved each other fiercely. And we did have our perfect moments and this was one of those. I am so glad that I got to see it and share it with you.” She paused.

"I am glad that you starting to realize that you deserve this kind of love as well. A family that loves you. You are that child in Hawaii, he deserves to be loved. You, Tony, deserve all the love in the world." Alex kissed his cheek.

Tony didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. He didn't let go of her had though. He held it like it was a lifeline.

They watched as the family opened their presents before they left the house behind.

Tony did wonder how his choices would affect such a family unit in any way or form. Alex had told him that it would be so, but he was uncertain how? She had fibbed before or told only half-truths, but still his gut told him to trust her. So he did. Or if none of this was real, then there was another option or two. Perhaps he was asleep on his own bed and having one fucked up dream or he had gotten drunk it effort to sleep. 

“You are not dreaming, hallucinating or drunk.” Alex told him. “This is very real.”

“But I don't get it. This whole thing is like the plot of Memento… no idea.”

Alex gave Tony a look that said the she wanted to tell him more, but she could not. Not yet. For one, he wasn't ready and second she still could only guess where this was leading. “It will all become clear to you before we are done.” It was all she said out loud. Internally she was rolling her eyes, that was lame.

“Fine. I will take that bait. Where are we going next?” Tony sassed.

Alex shook her head. He was impossible, but lovable. “Take my hand sassmaster. We are going to the Christmas present.”

“Hehehe, present. I love Christmas presents." Tony snorted. He just had to say it.

"Tony." Alex wanted to head slap him. "I expected that from my teenage son."

"Okay, okay. Jeesh." He grinned and tried to sound excited instead of scared. 

"Yay, time travel. We are kind of going to the future you know. It hasn't happened yet.” Tony continued with his class clown act.

“And yet, it is today. So just roll with it.” Alex gripped his hand and they were off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIja - Yes
> 
> be'Hom valqu' ghaH - She is quite a clever girl.
> 
> However I am not fluen in Klingon, so these are just translations I found online. Since I have no idea, I have to trust that these are correct.


	6. Home for Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to edit and here's the new chapter. Enjoy.

_“And yet, it is today. So just roll with it.” Alex gripped his hand and they were off._

Tony thought that he would never get used to the feeling of flying. He was pretty sure that she took off so quickly only to shock him and she did it all on purpose. For shit and giggles if one wanted to be crude.

Alex laughed. He had finally caught on with her devious delight. She was dead, she had to get her kicks somewhere.

Tony took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He had to trust Alex. Trust that she would get him safely to wherever they were going. Her oath still vibrated around them once in a while making itself known. Tony relaxed when he felt it.

His companion felt the sift in him and smiled. He'd only had himself for so long that trusting someone that wasn't Gibbs or himself or the team, was hard. She felt privileged that she was now on that short list of people he trusted. She held his hand a tad tighter, she would not let him down.

Tony opened his eyes when they were on solid ground again and he knew exactly where they were. He had been here so many times over the years... usually in the basement with the master of the house, watching as the older man built his boats. 

He still did not understand how he got the boat out, but in the end, it didn't matter. He was familiar with the house and the man who owned it, was more like his father than the man who sired him. He needed to patch things up with senior. He wanted to have some kind of relationship with the man who gave him life. If he could that is. So much had happened between them. There was so much bad blood, but he would try even if it ended in heartbreak again. He would give the man one more chance and then, that was it. He would cut the man out of his life completely.

He put these thoughts in the back of his head and took a deep breath.

“Casa de Gibbs.” Tony grinned. “If we are here then it seems that I accepted his invitation.” He was glad. Gibbs might tell everyone that the second ‘b’ was for bastard, but when you got past the walls around his heart... he was a big softie even he acted like a fucking prick sometimes. Tony loved the man like a parent and always wanted his approval. Which is why his critique stung more than anyone else’s. And he had had a shitload of critique from him during his time as an agent. 

He knew that Gibbs also respected him and his skills as an agent. And he was there when he needed him the most. That's why the man had his loyalty, respect and love. Tony wasn't blind, the man could be a complete asshole, but who wasn't sometimes.

“Yes. Agent Gibbs.” Alex grimaced. She could appreciate that Tony loved the man like a father, but she didn't have such fond memories of him. He earned the second ‘b’. 

“You know, I worked with him once. He was tough as nails and even when we were on the same side, he drove me insane. I wanted to kick his ass so many times during that case.” Alex was blunt, there was no use in beating around the bush.

Tony laughed. “You have to let things slide, but you also have to stand up for yourself and work hard. In the end I do not know how I got his respect and friendship, but they are one of the most precious things for me. He is loyal to a fault and protective of you in the extreme if he considers you one of his people.”

“I was about to ask you how have you survived a decade with him.” Alex grinned. “But you kind of answered it.”

“I am just that good.” He grinned at her. “With all seriousness, you take it all with good humor and a lot of patience. And pay back some when the situation presents itself” Tony grinned back at her.

They entered the house and Tony knew exactly where to go before Alex could guide him. His feet carried him to the basement on their own and Alex followed. She didn't say anything and neither did he. It was like an agreement that neither one had voiced. They sat on the stairs sideways as they watched and let their feet hang free.

The Tony from this time was helping Gibbs with the boat instead of only watching and talking his ear off. The men didn't talk as they worked. They exchanged words when they asked the other to hand over something, but that was it. It was a comfortable silence that surrounded them. Neither man had anything to prove to the other one and they could be themselves. Tony loved these moments. He could relax and Gibbs did as well. They didn't have time for this that often and that's why it meant so much more when they could spare a few hours.

The Tony on the steps smiled at the scene, it was nothing amazing, but it was special. He had never shared moments like these with senior so he cherished these more than he would have thought. At first he had been awkward, but the older man had put him at ease quickly. 

Alex leaned her head on Tony arm, it was easy since she was on the lower step. Otherwise she would've used his shoulder. She enjoyed the tranquility of this scene as much as Tony. Things would get harder for her soon enough. She knew this in her heart and her mind agreed. 

No one made a sound for a long while, it could have been minutes or hours and Tony found out that he didn't care. He watched the scene transfixed.

He smiled when Gibbs caught him as he stumbled. “Alright, time for you to go to bed.” The older man admonished him gently.

“Yeah, I'm exhausted.” Tony admitted and leaned a bit more weight on the older man.

“Why didn't you say anything?” Gibbs asked.

“I know I should've, because tools and sleepiness don't mix well. But I didn't want this evening to end.” Tony slurred. He was more tired than drunk, but he had drunk a few glasses of whiskey. The proper stuff, not the cheap shit Gibbs drank here and called it whiskey. Gibbs' stuff more like paint thinner than anything else. They'd shared a meal and Gibbs was a wonderful cook. Tony still felt full and it had been a couple of hours. 

They'd talked and in the end they had ended up in the basement like they usually do. Tony had vented his frustrations with everything. He had wanted Gibbs to know how he actually felt about everything. How he had started doubting his skills as an agent, how he felt that the rest of the team wasn't really having his back. How he wanted to make things better between him and senior, but he was scared. Scared that the man would let him down again. It had been a long and hard discussion in many ways, but for once Gibbs had listened. He had even thrown his own rulebook out of the window and apologized.

Now Gibbs smiled as he looked at Tony and Alex had to smile as well. The man cared, perhaps he cared too much. He hid it under all that false bravado, like Tony. While the younger man slept around, the older one had everyone believe that he as a bastard. He was caring and it shocked Alex. She had been misled like the others. Well live and learn Alex thought. Gibbs was quite handsome as well, but that was something she didn't ever plan on saying out loud.

“That is it Dinozzo, upstairs. I won't carry you if you fall asleep in here. I might bring you a pillow and a blanket, but I will not carry you.” Gibbs tried to sound authoritative, but he did not quite manage it since Tony was leaning on him more and more. The younger man was quite adorable when he let his defenses down like this.

“I guess you're right.” Tony mumbled.

“I usually am.” The older man whispered but something in his tone made Tony grin. Gibbs had planned to clean things before he took Tony to bed, but he had seen how tired the younger man was. He would help him to bed before coming down here again and clean things away.

“Don't be smug. It is not very becoming.” Tony sassed and yawned. Gibbs helped him upstairs, he didn't trust the younger man to do it himself without falling on his face. 

Alex and Tony didn't have time to move out of the way. They hadn't anticipated that Gibbs would be so fast. So they had the displeasure of feeling how it felt when someone walked trough them. 

When Gibbs had gotten Tony up the stairs safely, he turned to look back. He could have sworn that he had felt something in the middle. He saw nothing, but could not shake the feeling.

Tony noticed this and grinned. “You felt it too then?”

“Yes. It worries me.” Gibbs said. Tony smiled.

“It is nothing bad.” He assured the older man. 

"How so?" Gibbs wanted to know. He wasn't sure if he should wait until morning, when the younger man had had some sleep. 

It didn't matter. Tony was already explaining. “You know that I didn't get much sleep last night and there's a reason for it. I was with a woman." Tony paused.

"Not like that.” Tony frowned at Gibbs when he received a stare from him. 

“We just walked around a bit. It was wonderful; she showed me things, fantastical things you know. She knew about my past and showed me the future. I am going to marry the cutest man imaginable and I am going to adopt his two children. That man has a fantastic ass by the way.” Tony giggled a little thinking about Tom and his attributes. He was so tired that he didn't even find it weird that he had not even met the man in question yet.

Gibbs, on the other hand, was even more worried. Was the younger man under influence? Was it the booze they had drunk or something more creative? He didn't know so he let the man talk and tried to make heads or tails out of his tale.

“Getting off the track there. Whoopsie.” The man giggled some more. “Anyway. She was a ghost, a real ghost would you believe that?”

Gibbs didn't.

“She was a ghost of Christmas and she showed me past, present and future. The weird feeling you had on the stairs was because of us. We are watching this happening right now, me and Alex.” Tony fell on the couch that Gibbs had had the foresight to turn into a bed before they went down the stairs.

“Alex and I.” Gibbs corrected without thinking and grimaced. He did mean to criticize Tony. It had slipped out, kind of like when he used to correct Kelly. Every parent did it, so their kids would have proper grammar.

He didn't want to think about Shannon or Kelly today. He needed to focus on Tony and not think of his loss.

“Alex and I are watching this happen… we saw this all happen last nigh a bit after midnight or so. Or was it around one? Can't remember.” Tony yawned again he knew that he was slurring his words. He was half asleep already and he knew that Gibbs wouldn't believe him. He already made plans to deny everything in the morning if the older man asked anything.

“You go to sleep now.” Gibbs tucked the younger man in after he helped to undress him.

“Sounds good. Thanks Jethro.” Tony agreed. He yawned. He was silent for a while and Gibbs thought he had already fallen asleep. The sleepy comment shocked the older man. 

“Gibbs. When you go downstairs… the feeling will not come back.” And with that Tony out like a light.

“Damn I sound so out of it.” The spirit form of Tony commented. “And why am I telling him all that?”

“Hmm... I think it's because you have no filter when your defenses are down and you are exhausted.” Alex grinned and then grew more serious. “What worries me is that he sensed us back in there.” She motioned to the stairs they had left behind.

“That's Gibbs. He has his gut feelings and he has taught me to listen to my instincts as well. Even more closely than I did before. And he can sneak around. It is like he has some supernatural powers.” Tony laughed and then gasped as he heard Gibbs.

“Good night my son.” He said as he flipped the light off. He had never said this to Tony when he was awake, but it was the truth. Tony was his son from another father. He looked down at the younger man and his heart hurt a bit.

“He thinks of me as his son?” Tony asked Alex. He could not wrap his head around it. He had hoped for it, but never dared to dream that it would be true.

“This surprises you?” Alex asked even though she knew it did surprise her companion. And it kind of surprised her as well.

“I have to remember this. I have to. And I have to find a way to tell him that he's like a father to me. Somehow I have to find a way and not make it awkward.” Tony ranted making Alex smile.

“Yes Tony. You should do that. And you should always remember that you are loved. You have people who care a lot about you. You are worthy.”

Tony hugged Alex, he didn't know what else to do. “Thank you.” Alex patted his back. It was enough, she didn't want to overwhelm him.

“I… why would Gibbs care of me like that?” Tony was thinking out loud and Alex knew this, but she answered anyway.

“Has it ever occurred to you that Gibbs might feel alone as well? He had a family and it was brutally taken away from him. He's been married three times since, but none could live up to the memory of the first one. He is as broken as you are, but he is healing like you have started to. And while that is slow, it's still a step forward. 

His team is his family, but in families there are favorites even if no one admits it. You are his. He cares because he cares. That is all there is to it.” Granted Gibbs had a weird way of showing it at the naval yard. And still, Alex believed what she was saying and that's why her voice got a firm tone. 

“I have spent part of one evening with you and I care about you. There's just something about you that people find lovable.”

Tony listened to her. He felt shy and he found himself looking at the points of his shoes. One of his hands had found it’s way to the back of his head where it moved up and down awkwardly.

Once more they fell silent. They watched as Gibbs leaned close to Tony and with a gentle hand touched the younger man’s face. He moved an unruly curl of hair out of his face and into where it belonged. Unconsciously Tony leaned into the touch without waking up. Gibbs face broke into a warm smile. And the Tony who was watching could have sworn that there were tears in his boss’ eyes.

Tony felt safe and loved and his slumber was deep. He trusted the former marine with everything he was.

When Gibbs left to clean their mess downstairs, Alex walked to the sleeping form of her companion. She knelt to whisper something in his ear. When she was done, she walked back the spirit form of the same man and took his hand. 

“What did you say?” He asked her.

“You are a spirit, his spirit. Listen with care and you might be able to hear it.” Alex told him.

Tony tried to listen and he could have sworn he heard faint whispering, but he could not make out the words. “I can't make out the words, but I do hear your voice.” He confessed.

“That is actually more than I expected.” Alex grinned. “I will tell you later what I said, but look at your sleeping face. It was not anything bad.”

Tony did as instructed and found his own sleeping form smiling. It made him smile as well. Here, at Gibbs', he was able to be strong enough to be vulnerable. 

Then it hit him, his own words from earlier.

“Wait!” he all but shrieked. “I am going to marry Tom Kirkman and adopt his kids! Your kids!”

“Shhh, spoilers.” Alex put her fore finger to her lips and grinned. She didn'tt know what else to do, so she channelled her inner River Song. The Doctor had been correct. Time really was wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff and it confused her sometimes. Alright, most of the time. And it had gotten her in trouble. Damn Tony for being so observant.

“Come along grasshopper, you have much to learn.” Alex pulled Tony out after her and hoped that he would leave the matter lay for now. No such luck.

“Alex. What the hell?” Tony wanted to know and pulled her into a stop when they had gotten outside.

“I'm not sure how that happened, but you weren't meant to hear that yet. So please don't ask more of me, I will not be able to tell you yet. I am also bound by rules and codes of conduct for ghosts. So please, wait until the end of our journey... and if there is time and you still have questions, I'll try to answer them to the best of my abilities and knowledge.” Alex was almost begging and she saw that his anger melted away.

“Fine. But... you know, I don't like being kept in the dark.”

“Noted. We should get going even if I really don't want to.” Alex bit her lip, the next scene was going to be hell for her, she could feel it in her bones. 

The last of Tony’s anger went away with that last sentence she uttered. He'd quite forgotten that his was as much for her as it was for him. She needed to let go and he needed to heal, fair and square. It was her turn now.

Alex took a hold of Tony again and off they flew. This time it was easier, he had begun to trust her more, so he wasn't as scared as he had been before.


	7. A Broken Family, A Healing Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might break some hearts. It did mine.

_Alex took a hold of Tony again and off they flew. This time it was easier, he had begun to trust her more, so he wasn't as scared as he had been before_

They landed in front of another house; it was like the last one they had visited in New York. This time though, they were still in Washington D.C.

The house was decorated with Christmas cheer, which the people in the house might lack. It definitely wasn't as tasteful as the other house had been. This house had the feel of a kid helping with the whole shebang. 

“You know. I've never been here, in this house. I know some things, but seeing it in person… well it is a bit different.” Alex murmured.

“This Christmas… is the first one… after?” Tony was a hardened agent even though this night hadn't shown that side of him. This was one more thing that made him almost weep and he hated it. And he hated seeing his companion so close to breaking down. 

Can ghosts even have a break down?

He had rarely spoken with a dead person before, this was the first time. He didn't know how it would affect her, saying it out loud. He tried to think if he had said it earlier, but couldn't remember. So he erred in the side of caution. He still didn't know how she had died. He tried to be sensitive and not trigger anything.

“After I died. After that drunken truck driver t-boned the car I was in.” It felt good to say it out loud, Alex thought. 

Tony noticed that she was angry. Anyone, in her shoes, would be he guessed. If it happened to him and if he'd been stuck on this earth unable to move on, he would be fucking pissed. Perhaps that was how angry ghosts came about. He hoped that the beautiful woman he'd spent the night with never went that far in her anger. He hoped that this journey would help her to let things go and move on.

“Remember Alex. This is for you as much as it is for me. And I am here for you to help you... to help you let go... I think.” Tony said the first thing that came into his head and it seemed to be right thing to say.

Alex kissed his cheek, took his hand and let him inside in silence. She so was not ready for this, but Tony was a calming presence. And if she leaned a little bit closer than was proper for friends when one of them was dead... and inhaled in his scent, no one but Tony would know.

It, the scent, was different, he smelled good, but different. He definitely was not Tom and she did miss her husband so much. Alex raised her hand to her cheek in surprise, she was crying.

She wiped her tears away and looked anywhere but at Tony.

“Hey, are you able to get through this?” Tony stopped walking and made her stop as well.

Alex nodded. She didn't trust her voice just yet.

“Okay. But remember that I am here and together we will get through this.” Tony squeezed her hand and she squeezed back. She didn't let it go. She hadn't noticed before how warm his hand was in hers.

They entered the bedroom again. It seemed that it was always there were things started. Tony could make a jokes that it was where things usually ended when he was around. This time he kept his silence.

Alex and Tony watched the single figure on the bed; it was a stark difference to the Christmas they had seen before. Alex was gripping Tony’s hand so tight that it hurt him a bit. For a dead girl, she did have some strength. However Tony said nothing about it. He let her use him as an anchor to reality and almost snorted at the thought.

This was his reality, a ghost gripping his hand so much that it hurt. It was ridiculous. And yet, it was real. 

"Alex, breathe." His voice was soothing and he felt that her grip on him lessened to more comfortable level. She was crying and his heart broke a little bit more for her.

She wanted to go to Tom so badly. She wanted to draw him in her arms and comfort him. Of course she had seen Tom cry before, but this time she couldn't do anything to calm him down. Every sob the solitary figure on the bed let out made her twitch. 

It was obvious that he tried to stay quiet because he did not want to wake the children. He didn't quite manage it because soon there was a soft knock on the door. Tom hastily wiped his tears away. He could do nothing about the redness or the puffiness of his eyes though.

“Oh Tom.” Alex sniffed and watched the scene unfold before her eyes.

“Yeah?” Tom called out.

“Daddy?” It was Penny. She was uncharacteristically quiet. It could be because Leo was still sleeping or because she had had a bad dream or both or multitude of reasons. None of them good.

“Come in little pea.” Tom told her.

She was timid as she entered. Like she wasn't sure if she should bother her father. It was such a difference to the last time that both Alex and Tony gasped. It was also obvious that she had been crying as well.

“Oh, Little Pea. Come here.” Tom opened his arms and she launched herself on him and sobbed. He kissed her on top of her head and tried to calm her down.

“I had a bad dream.” She told him after she could breathe again. She was still hiccuping and some tears were still running down her cheeks.

“A nightmare? Do you want to tell me what it was about?” Tom asked. He could guess, but it was good to talk these things through. His kids talked with him and he talked with his therapist. To be truthful, they spoke with a therapist as well. The year had been a hard one, but thank heavens people at work were not walking on eggshells around him anymore. 

It made things a bit easier. While he didn't want to break into tears every hour anymore, it was still daily. He wondered if he would ever laugh again? Really laugh, with tears of mirth running down his face instead of those of sadness.

“I was running in a fog trying to reach mum, but every time I thought I had caught her, there was nothing. And then I woke up, or so I thought… I was still sleeping. I had just dreamed that I woke up…" Penny paused. 

"And then you were there telling me that mummy was dead and she would never come back to us ever again. And then I started crying and I really woke up. And then I came here.” Penny hid her face into her dad’s chest and Tom held her there as fresh tears fell.

Tom had known that this was the dream; it always was. It wasn't as often now as it had been, but often enough. If he would guess, it was the Christmas time that did it. Christmas was always such a family thing in the Kirkman family and now one of their own was gone. It wasn't easy for any of them, but Penny had taken her mother’s death extremely hard. The therapy was helping them, all three of them.

They had been a mess, but it had helped them out when Tom had hired a nanny for Penny. He also had hired a house keeper, she came by twice a week. He had been and still was a wreck. He was ever grateful to Emily, his personal assistant for keeping things going at work. She'd been a true trooper. 

“I had a nightmare as well.” Tom confessed. 

“What was yours about?” Penny wanted to know. It always helped her to talk about her dreams. Perhaps her daddy would feel better if he talked about it as well.

“I, too, was dreaming of your mother. The dreams was quite nice, the nightmare came when I woke up.” Tom knew he should not talk about this with his young daughter, but the cat was out of the bag now.

“When you woke up?” Penny asked. For a moment she looked confused and Tom found adorable. 

“Is it because the dream was good and then you woke up and she was not there?” Penny asked. She was too observant for Tom's liking.

“Yes.” Tom fought hard to keep his voice even.

They lapsed into silence and enjoyed their cuddles. Penny snuggled close to her father and he covered her with his own blanket so that they both fit underneath.

“I miss mummy.” Penny whispered. 

Tom stopped trying to keep his own tears in check and let them fall free. He kissed Penny on top of her head again and held her close. 

“I miss her too. So much.” And he did, it was like a physical pain sometimes. It would be easier to deal with a missing limb than this.

“I do too.” A third voice said from the doorway. Leo had grown up so much in the past year and it pained Tom. He had to grow up too fast because their father had been a heap of misery. Tom made a silent vow that he would not ever abandon his kids.

“Got room for one more?” Leo asked.

“Always.” Tom smiled. he and Penny scooted over so that Leo could fit on the other side of Tom. "Everybody comfortable?" He asked.

"Yes." Both of his kids answered and Tom felt happy and hopeful with both of his children there with him. Perhaps life would win after all. 

“I love you both so much.” Tom pulled his kids closer to him and the kids snuggled closer still. They all felt that someone was missing and the grief was keen.

Everything Tom did, was for his kids. What no one knew and Tom definitely didn't say it out loud, was that his kids were the only things keeping him alive. He couldn't leave them alone to fend for themselves. So he clung to life and fought tooth and nail so he would survive another day and the nights that followed. The nights were the worst. They were always the worst.

It was for his kids that he got out of the bed in the morning. It was for them he put on his clothes, for them he went to work and did his best. He worked hard because at least his job offered him a distraction from his grief. 

Sometimes he talked with the President who seemed to take an interest in his life. Why, he didn't know, but the man was a widower as well so he was pretty much his peer group. But he was still the President and Tom felt he couldn't tell everything to him. 

The President did not push, but Tom had a feeling that he knew.

Tom worked hard, so at the end of the day he was exhausted. Perhaps then he could get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep without the aide of whiskey. He'd drank too much for his own liking and had stopped before it got out of hand. It hadn't been easy, but he'd done it. His kids deserved a sober dad and he didn't want to loose his job because of it either. So he stopped.

He clung to life for his kids, for himself as well because he didn't want to die. Not really. If there had been a plan, that was for his shrink to know and no one else. He had never planned to execute it, but he had played with the idea and it had scared him.

“I love you too, daddy.” His sweet daughter, his little pea, informed him. She was almost asleep, so it came out more slurred.

“I do too… both of you.” Leo admitted and for once he didn't care about or fear sounding lame, he was yawning as well. One by one they fell asleep, comforted by the presence of the other two.

Tony looked over to Alex and saw that the woman was sobbing. “I miss them so much.” She bawled and Tony felt awkward. He had never been any good with crying women. 

This journey was one fucking roller coaster. He once again gathered the ghost in his arms and tried to soothe her to the best of his ability.

“Let it all out. They are what is keeping you here, your unfinished business. You love them so much that you can't move on. Cry, rage, do what you have to do. Just let those emotions out so you can find peace.” Tony told her as he held her tight. He had no clue where those words had come from, but he didn't care, as they seemed to have some effect on Alex.

She pulled back a little and kissed Tony’s cheek. “You are a good man." She hesitated a bit before voicing what she actually wanted. "Could you just hold me?”

“Yes, I can do that.” Tony pulled her close and smiled when she rested her head above his heart. They stayed silent and unmoving for quite a while.

Alex knew that Tony was right. She knew she needed to let her family go, but it was easier said than done. It hurt so much.

“It is not fair!” She screamed into Tony’s chest. “It is not fair! Why I had to die? Tom and I wanted to grow old together. We wanted to see our kids grow, have careers, marry and perhaps even have kids that Tom and I would dote upon. That was all we ever wanted, but apparently it was too much to ask for.” Alex was not sure how she was still standing, but she presumed that Tony did have something to do with it. She wasn't wrong, Tony pretty much held her up at this point.

“It isn't fair. It wasn't fair that you died. It wasn't fair when my mum died and my dad pretty much abandoned me. It is not fair!” Tony agreed. “But we are here now, for once I'm not alone and I'm here for you. I would've loved to have known you when you were alive, but I didn't get that chance and that's not fair either. But for now we have each other and a journey to finish.”

“You are right.” Alex agreed. “But I really want to kick something.”

Tony grinned at a memory. “You know, when mum died I wanted to do the exact same thing. I ended up attacking a palm tree. It won.”

Alex was crying, but Tony’s story made her laugh as well.

“You are a weird guy Tony. But funny.” She told him and he smiled and gave a little bow.

“You good to continue or do you need more time?” He asked. He didn't know how this all worked, but it seemed that the scenes did not change until they were ready to face another.

“Yeah, I think I am.” Alex wiped her tears away and the scene changed.

Tom was making breakfast.

“Oh, no!” Alex groaned. Tony chuckled at her reaction, but soon he understood. He was shocked at just how bad of a cook Tom was. He managed to burn the pancakes thoroughly and Tony did not understand how he managed that. Pancakes were easy. It looked like that Tom was the kind of cook who managed to burn water.

Tom knew his skills were abysmal, but he needed to try. He sighed and shook his head exasperated. This was not rocket science, but it very well might have been. He didn't understand what he did wrong. But right now he did not care because his daughter was giggling at him. 

“How about we eat cereal?” He asked her. 

“Cereal is fine dad.” Penny grinned at him, but Leo was shaking his head.

“Dad. How do you do this? I can cook better.” Leo grinned.

“You are welcome to try.” Tom winked at Penny, not believing that Leo would do it. She grinned back at him.

Tom was shocked when Leo shrugged his shoulders and took over. And in no time they had chocolate chip pancakes. “You so didn't believe me when I told you I could cook better than you.”

“I admit it. But damn son, these are awesome.” Tom groaned his mouth full. 

“Dad, you said a bad word.” Penny pointed out. 

“I did, didn't I? Sorry about that. I will put a dollar in the jar later.” Tom said seriously.

“See that you do.” Penny said sounding much older than her years. 

Tom and Leo looked at each other and bit their lip so they wouldn't laugh. Both quickly averted their gazes and only paid attention to the pancakes in front of them.

“These are sooooo gooood!” Penny shrieked as she took a third one. Tom wondered where she was putting them. His daughter was tiny, but she ate like a horse.

“I know. I made them.” Leo laughed and he had a reason to be smug.

They didn't even think about how much they were laughing during their meal. It was different than it had been before. But laughter could find it’s way through the smallest of cracks and take root in the heart.

They would get through the grief and they would be stronger for it.

Alex and Tony watched the family for the whole day. They smiled when Tom didn't complain that his kids wanted to cuddle with him for the most of the day. They opened presents and afterwards they watched movies. They ordered food in and had a great time. 

To Tom this had been a good day, wonderful actually. It had been almost a year since his wife had passed away and he still wanted to cry on daily basis. This Christmas though, it had done a world of good to him and the kids as well.

That evening when the kids had gone to bed and he was ready to sleep in his own bed, he whispered into the air. “Where ever you are Alex. Know this, I love you and I miss you so much. We all do. I miss my wife, my best friend… my lover. We all miss you and love you so much. It is and will be hard, but we will learn to live with your memory. We will be alright.” Tom turned off the light and closed his eyes.

Alex heard every word. Tom couldn't have known that she was there. But he had said exactly what she had needed to hear, he usually managed to do that. Even before…

“I love you too.” Alex told him and softly caressed Tom’s cheek. The man smiled, it felt like his wife was there beside him. He didn't open his eyes, because he knew that she was gone and could not be there. The image in his head was nicer than the reality and he leaned into the touch. Later he could've sworn that he heard his wife’s gentle laughter at it.

“Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep.” Alex quoted Mary Elizabeth Frye’s poem and Tom’s face relaxed in his sleep. For the first time since that terrible accident, Tom got a good night’s sleep. The next morning he woke up refreshed and happy. He had dreamed of Alex and he could still feel her touch on his cheek. It didn't make him sad, he knew that his wife would always be in his heart even if she was not in his life anymore.

Tony and Alex were not there to see his wide smile the next morning. By then they had moved on. They had things to see and stuff to do.

Alex said her goodbyes to Tom there as she caressed his cheek. Then she rose and smiled at Tony who had stayed quiet for the whole time. He hadn't wanted to intrude on their moment and he had nothing to say, so he had waited.

Alex took his hand and said. “We still have the Christmas to come to see.”

She the grinned impishly, “and this is a warning.”

Before Tony could react, the land disappeared from under him. The word changed around him and it made him feel lightheaded.


	8. What Are We Doing Here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year to you all! Stay safe.
> 
> For the owl thing, read the end of the chapter notes.

_The world changed around him, and it made him feel lightheaded._

 

“You enjoy this too much.” He groaned, a bit green around the gills. Alex didn't deny it for she did find his terror at flying like this, hilarious. 

Tony was staring at her his eyes squinted. “You most definitely are. That is mean.” Tony pouted and pretended to be offended. In reality he did enjoy her company and the gentle banter between them.

“Well, here we… are.” Alex’s voice, which had started as upbeat, ended up in shocked whisper. She definitely hadn't expected this.

Tony was freaking out. “What in the ever loving fuck are we doing in here?” His mouth was pretty much hanging open as he took in the scenery in front of him. 

They had obviously landed on the south lawn, since Tony could just make out the tennis court to their left. And there was a huge fountain next to them on their right.

Tony was not thinking straight. “ We should leave before the secret service notice us trespassing.” He was in full panic mode and he wasn't even bothering to hide it. He thought that the security of this place had gone downhill and fast. It had to be it because there they still were and no one had even noticed them. They could be murderers or worse conspirators or something of the sort.

A giggle brought him out of his panic mode a little. “Oh, Tony…” Alex was breathing hard after laughing. “You seem to forget a couple of things.” Alex managed to wheeze out. 

“Oh, yeah? What are those then?” Tony wanted to know.

“Well for one, I am already dead. And two while you are here with me… They. Can't. See. Us. Even if you wondered off a bi. Don't stray too far because then the magic will dissipate and you will become visible.” Alex told him and included the warning.

“We do not want that.” Tony agreed and stepped closer to Alex.

Tony was embarrassed and it showed on his face as a pale blush. He massaged his neck with one hand and wished with everything he was that he had stayed silent.

“Don't be like that.” Alex had calmed down and snaked her arm around his and laid her head on his shoulder.

“Alex. I am a trained agent. I should be able to control my feelings better.” Tony commented.

“You are human like the rest of us… well you know, like the rest of them.” Alex snorted. “You are not a Vulcan plus this journey has left us both emotionally compromised.”

“And you are Star Trek fan too. “ Tony felt giddy. “It's a shame that we didn't meet when you were alive.”

“I am and I am fluent in Klingon.” She boasted. She loved to make fun of her husband because he was such a lovable geek, but she was no better herself.

“A woman after my own heart.” Tony pretended to swoon.

Alex laughed at him. “Well you know Tom loves Star Trek too. And it was one of the things that brought us closer together when we first met.

“Alright, important question. Does he prefer Captain Kirk or Captain Picard?” Tony wanted to know. If McGee would ever find out his love for the Sci-Fi show... well, Tony would never be able to live it down with all the teasing he'dd done in the past.

“That's a tough one. It depends on his mood. If he feels overwhelmed by something he would pick Picard as the better one. You know, thinking 'what would Picard do', but if he was feeling, more carefree, then he would pick Kirk.” Alex told him. “If you ask me, he likes them both equally. And they both kick ass, so there's that.”

“Good answer.” Tony grinned and kissed the top of her head that still lay on his shoulder. Then he remembered where they were. He could appreciate the insanity of Star Trek themed discussion on the south lawn of the White House.

It seemed as if Alex had read his thoughts. “We better get a move on.” She said and lifted her head. He'd been comfortable and she was getting tired. She left her arm on his and he smiled at her.

“Yeah, let us go and see what the future holds.” Tony pretended to be on top of his game, but the actual truth was that he felt apprehensive. He didn't know what else to do so he put his trust in the ghost who walked beside him. He was well aware how weird it all sounded and it did not sound any better in his head.

Since Alex had those ridiculous shoes on, they didn't take the shortest route through the lawn. Tony had to stifle the half hysterical giggle that threatened to escape. He imagined the gardener yelling, 'Get off my lawn!'

Alex noticed his odd behavior and raised an eyebrow at him. Tony just grinned and shook his head. Alex accepted that and let it go. 

They took the path that circled right, the one the circled left, would've taken them too close to the Oval Office. Tony did trust Alex, but it didn't hurt to be careful. 

Tony was overwhelmed and tried to tap into his inner Picard. The one that would stay calm in face of danger and the unknown. Tony didn't have a clue what was going on. He was at the freaking White House during Christmas, this was future, his future and he was at the White House.

Arm in arm the pair entered through the doors and no one paid them any mind. The guards stood there, their eyes hard and alert, but they didn't react to their presence in any way or form. When he saw this, Tony relaxed a bit. It was always a good thing to stay vigilant, but he could relax a little. Perhaps he would not get shot tonight.

“Damn it, Tony. Will you stop fidgeting?” Alex gave a deep sigh. She could understand his anxiety, but she found it a tad irritating. She had told him. As long as she was here with him or rather as long as he didn't stray too far from her, nothing bad would happen.

“I can try, but you have to understand. I am a federal agent as I have told you many times this night. And I am trespassing the fucking White House and fuck if I know what year it is. I freely admit that I am more than a bit antsy about the whole concept.” He was getting annoyed with her as well and was practically growling at her by the end.

“Alright. I get it. But this is not easy for me either, remember that.” Alex told him firmly.

“Yeah, but you asked for this gig.” Tony knew he had overstepped his boundaries the moment he said it.

Alex paused in mid stride and turned to him and her eyes were blazing. “Listen to me dipshit. I like you, I really do. But what you have to realize is that before this night is over I am going to see my family happy with someone else than me. I am glad that it is you, but it is fucking killing me. Again.” Alex had tears running down her cheeks when she finished. She wiped them away angrily. If there was something she hated more than injustice was that when she got angry enough, she cried. It frustrated her to no end.

“And you came along. With free will, you made the decision to come along, so shut it.” Alex hissed the last words at him and he found out that he was speechless. 

He hadn't meant to say anything that would add to the burden she already carried. He didn't even know how to start apologizing. So neither of them said anything as they walked onward.

Tony admired the decor, they were tasteful and yet a bit over the top. He knew that there was little the current power pair could do with the decor of the place. But there always a few things that could be changed and he thought that the current FLOTUS had done a good job. And then there were the Christmas stuff. That was a playing field for the First Lady. The Christmas decorations were not what caught his interest.

His eyes found a tapestry. It was a scene of a forest and he paused to look at it, Alex noticed this and as much as she wanted punch him, she waited close by.

“Alex?” he asked.

“Yeah?” 

“Why are there eleven owls in this tapestry?” Tony kept staring the birds.

“I do not know. You would have to ask that from the chief of staff. They are bound to know someone who knows about the tapestry.” She answered. His childish wonder endeared him to her once more.

“Come on, Tony, places to go, things to see, remember.” She smiled at him and his heart felt lightened.

“I am sorry.” He touched her hand afraid that she would reject the touch. She didn't and took his hand in hers. 

“I am sorry as well.” She admitted.

“Forgiven and forgotten.” He commented.

She smiled at him. “Forgiven and forgotten.” Together they continued their journey. They both felt that the time they had left what getting shorter.

“They remind me of you.” Alex said out of the blue, not really looking at him.

“Hmm?” Tony murmured confused.

“The decorations, they remind me of you a bit.” Alex said to Tony who couldn't let the opportunity pass.

“Well they are very pretty. You think I am pretty?” He winked at her and she snorted.

“Well, I do have eyes.” Alex grinned at him and delighted in his little blush. He hid so much behind the flirty banter and clown act. She didn't mind playing a long. It helped to distract from the pain and sadness. So she continued.

“While the decorations are pretty they are also a bit over the top.”

They both gasped as they saw the Harry Potter themed hallway. “I rest my case.” Alex giggled.

“Oh, hush you.” Tony told him. “You said I was pretty. The rest of it was just blah blah blah. “

This sent Alex, once more, into a laughing fit and she couldn't stop even if she had tried. She had to lean on Tony so she could keep upright. Her laughter was contagious and soon Tony was laughing with her. They tried to stop many times, but then they made the mistake at looking at each other. And burst into laughter again.

“Do not look at me.” Alex said whipping her tears of mirth away.

“Ditto.” Was all Tony could wheeze out. They looked at everything except at each other, trying to calm down. Slowly they managed to calm themselves into occasional giggles.

“Hey Tony.” Alex started. “Thanks. I needed that.” 

“I think it was just what the doctor would have ordered for both of us.” Tony agreed. “I needed it as much as you did. Even if it got a bit hysterical.”

Alex snorted. “A bit?”

“A bit.” Tony grinned and winked. Alex shook her head. He was impossible.

They reached the residence still chuckling every once in a while. 

They grew serious as they looked at each other. They would face another scene when they entered the private rooms of the President.

“Are you ready?” Alex asked.

“No, are you?” He wanted to know.

“No, but we need to do it anyway.” She admitted.

Together they pushed the door open so neither one would be surprised by anything. And together they entered.

What they saw made them pause. They looked at each other and then back at the scene again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 11 owls have nothing really to do with the story, as in they have no meaning.
> 
> This story was written during NaNoWriMo and Finland was at (word)war with Poland. 
> 
> To quote.
> 
> The day is here! November 11th is not only Independence Day in Poland but also the Owl Day :)  
> Eleven owls, as many great and long lasting things started as a typo. Because November 11th is Independence Day in Poland, we decided to make some special challenge for the occasion and since it was 2011 it was decided to be simply writing eleven words at 11:11 11.11.2011. Not a very spectacular thing and conjured at last moment and probably a flop in the making... but there is only one letter difference between "words" (słowa) and "owls" (sowa). A typo was made and before it was corrected Polish Wrimos went bonkers with all things owly. Since then we traditionally incorporate eleven owls into out novels each 11th of November. It can be literal, it can be a metaphor, it can be a name of something or someone - each year the interpretations surprise us all.   
> It's a simple prompt - take "ELEVEN OWLS" and do something fun with it. There are no rules except "it would be nice if you post your interpretation" :) Feel free to post it in whatever language you write. We’ll either understand it or throw it into google translate and end up even more confused :D  
> End quote
> 
> So this is what the owls are about.


	9. Quality time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are steaming up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware of the cheesiness.

_What they saw made them pause. They looked at each other and then back at the scene again._

“Well, Mr President. It's a high time you came home.” An older Tony, but not by much, grinned at Tom.

“Well, my dear husband, I am glad to be home finally.” Tom grinned as he shrugged off his suit jacket. He loosened his tie and took it off. He rolled his sleeves up before going to Tony. His tattoos peeked a little under the rolled up sleeves. It made both versions of the Italian swallow hard. 

Alex grinned, but stayed silent. She knew those arms well and she as well was getting a bit hot under the collar. There was something about a man that showed a bit of forearm, the way the muscles moved.

Tom had thrown the jacket and the tie on the couch and pulled Tony into his arms. Tom kissed his husband and the younger man moaned. 

“Damn, Tom. What has gotten into you?” Tony's voice had grown husky. He didn't mind one bit, but it wasn't the usual for Tom. He was a passionate man, but he was usually more reserved outside the bedroom. Even when they were in the privacy of the residence. It wasn't like they didn't touch each other or kiss, of course they did. They couldn't pass each other without having some sort of contact. But kisses like these were reserved for the bedroom.

“I just want to enjoy my husband.” Tom bit Tony’s lower lip and his hands found the younger man’s ass and squeezed. 

“Do not start what you can't finish.” Tony warned. He wanted Tom to just bend him over the couch and fuck him. It had been too long.

“Oh, I plan to finish. I told my minions that I was to be disturbed only in level eight or above disaster. Anything less, they can handle it for the night.” Tom informed him and kissed his husband again. The kiss was deep and unhurried. It was like the lovers had all the time in the world.

The pair watching this unfold, both swallowed hard, it looked hot. Alex bit her lip to hold in the moan that threatened to escape. She remembered those kisses. They never failed to make her dripping wet. 

Tony on the other hand was desperately trying to hide his hard on. He had never been kissed like that. Sure there had been plenty of passionate and unhurried kisses in his life. But he had never loved the person as deeply as he seemed to love Tom, so it was different. And since he was in a spirit form, if he focused, he could feel the ghost of the kiss on his lips. And since he was a curious person, he focused on the feeling. 

He groaned, he couldn’t help it. It was almost enough to make him lose control. He couldn't wait until this scene became true.

“Let us get this into the bedroom.” Tony panted against Tom’s lips and pulled the shorter man after him.

Tom laughed low in his throat and that sound drove Tony wild. 

“You know, if I hadn't felt this frisky myself... I would've thought that you planned something like this with my staff. And yours. Your PA had a shit eating grin on her face every time she looked into my direction. And Aaron and Emily were smirking at me even before I announced that I would take a free evening.”

“I admit nothing!” Tony informed him. There were many great things about being the First Lady, a very male first lady, but one none the less. The press had dubbed him the First Gentleman. Either way, this had to be one of the best things. The ability to scheme with the minions. He had learned this one at the NCIS, keep the the administration happy and they make things easy for you. 

“You so did. And I find it scary how much our staff adores you My staff is supposed to adore me.” Tom pouted then he grinned because he couldn't keep up with the charade.

“I take care of them, so they take care of me.” Tony smiled. “You, though... you are the one I love.” He kissed Tom’s neck just under his ear and the older man moaned. He leaned his head in the other direction to give Tony more space.

“I love you.” Tom panted. Tony smiled, this move always worked.

“And we are wearing way too much clothing.” Tom groaned. He needed to have his husband, now. He started to unbutton his shirt.

“Allow me.” Tony slapped Tom’s hands away from the shirt and slowly started to unbutton it. He gave Tom a kiss every time he popped a button open.

“This is taking too long. I want us naked now.” Tom growled and the sound went straight into Tony’s cock.

“Agreed.” Tony panted and ripped the shirt of his husband.

"Isn't that a bit of cliché?" Tom laughed.

That was the last the pair watching heard and both of them were glad of it. And if they had to admit it, more than a little disappointed.

“So uhm… my fate is intertwined with theirs? I will say… it seems it is pretty tightly intertwined.” Tony was shocked. He'd known that he would end up marrying the cute cabinet secretary. He didn't mind being married to a man; after all he didn't fall in love with the gender. He was more of the type of person who fell for the person themselves. And sex was great when all participants were consenting adults and having a good time. Anything else didn't matter.

“Hey, at the beginning all I knew was that you would mean a lot to them, one way or another. I didn't know that you would end up married to him. That came a bit later” Alex told him. She'd been angry at him earlier and part of it was because she was jealous. 

“Do you mind?” Tony bit his lip. He was worried.

“Not at all. I trust you with them. With you they are safe and loved.” Alex kissed his cheek once again. She surprised herself with her words. When she took a closer look at her feelings, they had changed. She would always love her family, more than anything, but it was time to let go. They would be safe with Tony. And loved. And so would Tony. She was getting ready to move on, but still she needed to see where this all lead. She wouldn't leave before.

Tony blushed at the kiss, but swore to himself that he would never let Alex down. And he would never let Tom or the kids down. When it mattered, he would be there. Always.

They quieted down and watched when the next scene began.

Once more they were in the bedroom. It seemed to be important part in the Kirkmans’ Christmas tradition. It always started in the master bedroom and usually by a shrieking blonde girl.

This time around it began a bit more like the first scene in the Kirkman household. There were two people on the bed; both were sound asleep. The men were spooning and Tom with the shorter stature was the small spoon. Tony held him like he was the most precious thing in the world. Even in his sleep, he looked like he was protecting the older man.

Alex looked at her companion and went ‘aww’. Tony blew a raspberry at her and she laughed. 

The peace was once more broken by a small whirlwind of a girl. She was like a blonde hurricane as she flew in the room. She did not even bother knocking because it was Christmas after all. “Dad! Papa! It is Christmas! Wake up!”

Tom shot up “What? Where… what?” It took a few seconds for him to realize where he was and what had happened.

Tony had woken up as well and he was pretty certain that not even Leo could sleep through that. It was hard getting rid of old habits and he didn't quite want to, so he did what he always did when he woke up. He took a quick look around and assessed the situation. It took no more than three seconds to be on the map with all that was going on around him.

He hugged his adopted daughter. He was infinitely glad that Tom had the foresight to force them to change the sheets on the bed. And put on their pajama bottoms.

He kissed Penny on the cheek and grinned at his husband. “How very presidential.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Tom threw a pillow at him and Penny, mostly aiming at Tony.

“You said a bad word!” Penny pointed him and laughed.

“Yeah Tom. Shame on you, teaching our daughter to curse like a sailor.” Tony shook his head in mock disappointment. 

“Our daughter surfs online. I am pretty sure that she knows all the curse words and a few more we haven't even heard of.” Tom sighed.

“Well… he isn't wrong.” Penny pretended to be all high and mighty.

Tony burst into laughter. He knew that it was impossible to monitor the online activity all the time. Of course they tried to keep an eye out a bit so she would be safe, but he also knew that they couldn't be there all the time.

Tom had hard time trying to stay serious. “Well don't curse like I did. It's not good manners. And I apologize for using such language.”

“It's alright.” Penny told him. 

Tom noticed Tony whispering something into Penny’s ear, but he couldn't quite make out the words. When he questioned the pair, they just shook their heads and told him it was their secret.

What Tony had told her was that her father was right. Cursing was bad manners, but if the situation really warranted it, then she could and should curse. But she needed to be careful and sure of the situation when she decided to curse up a storm.

“And Leo knows a lot of bad words too. He has taught me a lot too.” Penny grinned at them look proud.

“Oh, man.” Leo whined at the door. He had just gotten there to hear the discussion about curse words. “Way to throw me under the bus.” He added and didn't want to look at their fathers.

He took a peek and swallowed hard at the twin glares he received from their fathers.

“Hey, dad, is it not a bit like pot calling the kettle black? I mean you did just curse.” Leo trusted the goodwill of Christmas to get him out of wiseassing his dad.

Tony had to turn away so Leo wouldn't see him laughing. For good measure, he hid his face into Penny’s hair. 

Leo got Tom there and the older man knew it well. “Touché” was all that Tom commented and opened his arms like he wanted to hug.

“Come here.” He grinned and Leo gladly fell into his father’s arms. He knew his friends would think of this as lame, but it was their Christmas tradition and he loved it.

Penny wasn't paying any attention to him anymore; she was too busy cuddling Tony. Tom sent his thanks into the universe. He didn't know what he had done to deserve such a man as Tony, but he was grateful for it every day. Even on those days they were fighting. 

Tony lifted his head and his eyes locked with his husband’s and the look in his there took his breath away. The gaze was filled with adoration, love and passion. It went to his soul and healed what wounds remained. He would always bear scars, but the wounds didn't bleed anymore.

The younger version of Tony who was watching the scene unfold was in complete and utter shock.

“Alright, let me get this straight. I am… or rather I will be the first ever male FLOTUS, the First Husband or First Gentleman. I am adored by my future husband and the kids, not only accept me, but they love me and call me papa. I am very much in love with my husband and he loves me back equally. Did I leave something out?” Tony couldn't seem to wrap his head around it all.

“Yup.” Alex grinned popping the ‘p’. “I have a feeling that the american people adore you as well. But that was pretty much all of it, yeah.”

“Ok.” Tony nodded, but then turned to Alex. “In all seriousness…. whaaaaaat?” 

Alex snorted, he was hilarious when he was confused. “Granted, it was a big surprise for me as well at first. I mean seeing the man I loved more than anything except for my kids, kissing another person… anyone else than me…. it was weird, but I found out that I didn't mind because it was you. I told you this before.” She smiled at Tony and then her smile morphed into a sly smirk.

“And boy, does that man kiss well.” Than smirk of hers was that of a woman’s who knew something the other did not. She knew all his dirty tricks and he was just learning these things.

She noticed Tony blushing a bit already, a slight redness on his cheeks gave it away. So she did what anyone would do. She leaned in closer and practically purred her words into his ear.

“And if he knows his way around a male body as well as he did the female body. You will get to experience how it feels to forget your name. The only thing you will remember is his name and you will repeat it like a mantra, like a prayer and he will answer it. Trust me on this.”

Tony moaned, he could not restrain it and he was painfully hard. Again. 

He turned to glare at Alex, but noticed that she was in no better shape. “That was evil.”

“I admit, I might have gotten a bit carried away.” Her voice breathy. 

Alex hoped that Tony would remember this conversation and the whole journey. In time he would learn what Tom was capable in the bed. It was true that he couldn't cook to save his life. Instead he could play one’s body like a master violinist played their fiddle.

The pair decided that it would be wiser to watch the family spend Christmas together. It would calm their hormones down and that is what they both needed right now.


	10. The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is so much lovey dovey stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a cheesy chapter where characters are in their thoughts a lot and they ramble.

_It would calm their hormones down and that it what they both needed right now._

 

On the bed Tom and Tony glanced at each other and held a silent conversation, like married people often did. They decided to let Leo off the hook this time. After all Tom had just cursed himself so they didn't actually have a leg to stand on. Not this time anyway.

Tony cuddled their little pea and Leo snuggled closer to his father. His smile was wide as he enjoyed the love the family had for each other. He enjoyed feeling safe and protected. Who wouldn't?

He loved the fact that his father had found someone and Tony was awesome. Now they had two dads instead of just one. And it was great. If anyone ever told him different, he would set them straight. He snorted at the bad pun he had made.

It made Tom glance at his son, but Leo grinned and shook his head and his his face into his father's chest. Tom pulled the teenager close. He loved these moments and would cherish them for the rest of his life. It wasn't that often that Leo let him close these days. Sometimes he missed the days when he had been a baby. He had been so tiny that he could hold his head in his hand and the tiny legs kicked his biceps.

He missed that time sometimes.

He missed his wife.

His Alex.

Tony leaned his head on Tom's shoulder snapping him out of his head. The questioning eyebrow made the older man smile. He kissed the question away and smiled. He was so lucky to have found someone like Tony. He had never thought the would love like this again. Not after Alex passed away and left him a wreck. 

Now he just pulled Leo closer and held him tight.

The teenager said nothing, because he knew what his father was thinking. 

He was thinking the same thing. He missed his mother. It wasn't overwhelming anymore, the pain. It was there, but they knew how to live with it. And Tony, he understood the pain, he understood them. And that's why they loved him so much. 

After their mum had died, the Kirkman’s had been miserable for such a long time. In reality it had been just over a year, but it had felt like a lifetime. Leo knew that things had progressed fast when Tony had entered their lives. The man had been like a hurricane, but a very good one.

At first he had been against the relationship as had Penny. When their father had brought the man over for a visit, he had been ready to make his thoughts known. But somehow they had started to talk about football and Tony knew a whole lot about it. 

Leo had started to like man against his will. But what sealed the deal was that Tony could have been a professional football player. If things had only taken a different turn. Penny had been charmed when Tony treated her like a lady and talked to her like she was an adult. Plus they had both been taken by the fact that Tony could actually cook.

They had gotten to know Tony better and both of the kids were glad that their father had been persistent. He hadn't wanted to give up his chance of happiness. Now they loved Tony as fiercely as they loved their dad, and the feeling was mutual.

It had been a lightning fast romance. The two men had gotten married just after six months since their first meeting. Many had thought that Tony was a gold digger and Tom was too in love to see it. But after a while people had started to see that this was for the long haul. Everyone really, except for their grandmother. She despised Tony and would even refuse to talk with him.

Leo sighed, he did not want to think of her right now. He didn't understand why she couldn't see how wonderful person Tony was. 

Tony had helped to heal them and filled their lives with laughter and happiness again and love. He had so much love to give and one by one they had all fallen in love with him.

This family loved each other and the love was fierce. You attacked one of them, you attacked them all. 

He smiled against his dad’s chest as he watched Penny cuddle with Tony and giggle.

“What had you smiling so wide?” Tom wanted to know.

“This… all of this. We're so happy that it is almost scary. After mum died, I thought we would never laugh again. I never though that we would get another parent so soon.” Leo confessed.

“I hope that it was not too soon for you two. I mean I do worry sometimes.” Tom whispered and looked worried.

“Dad. Stop it. While I was against it at first, I soon learned that Tony was the key to our happiness. He is our papa and no one can take that away.” Leo might have been an angsty teen, but he was certain of this. 

“I am glad that you accepted and Penny as well. You didn't seem to like the idea of someone else being with me, someone else than your mother. I was so afraid that I would need to give him up. I would have done it too. You two always come first. Always.” Tom smiled at his first born and petted his hair.

“I am glad as well. Papa is awesome. But sometimes you need to him first. He deserves it” Leo was sleepy again. His dad’s heartbeat under his ear had almost lulled him back into sleep.

“I know I am awesome, but is there any particular reason this time?” Tony wanted to know. He was grinning and trying desperately to hide how watery his eyes were. 

He had heard only the last part of the conversation between Tom and their son. He was touched, Tom was a great dad. And a wonderful husband. Of course he had his faults, he was just a human after all.

“Noup.” Leo grinned at him popping the ‘p’ like Alex had done when talking with the spirit form of Tony. That moment Tony saw her on him and knew that his friend would never be truly gone, she lived on in her kids.

“Alright then.” Tony grinned and then turned his attention to Penny who was explaining something to him.

“Come on, Leo, let us go make breakfast.” Tom murmured to his son, not wanting to alert his husband and daughter.

“Oh no, are you going to cook?” Leo groaned.

“I am not that bad.” Tom pretended to be offended. “You burn a couple of eggs and screw up a few pancakes and suddenly you are a bad cook. And your family will never let you live it down.” He bemoaned.

Leo gave him a look with a raised eyebrow that said it all and Tom had to laugh. He ruffled Leo’s hair “But to answer your question. I didn't plan on cooking. I did, however, ask Rita, our wonderful chef to send us breakfast around this time.” Tom confessed his devious plan.

“Then why did you say ‘make’?”

“There is a very simple explanation to that.” Tom stalled to tease his son.

“Because the look on your face was priceless.” Tom cackled. He was the President; he couldn't prank his staff too much so he had to find his giggles somewhere. And if they planned on making fun of his cooking skills, he would make fun of their hilarious reactions.

“You are an evil, EVIL man.” Leo moaned exasperated and Tom continued to laugh.

That had made Alex and Tony laugh as well, the scene in the bedroom had them both near tears. This lightheartedness was welcome. So they continued to watch the scene with wide smiles on their faces.

Tom and Leo set the table in companionable silence. Tom knew he could have had people to do it for him, but they needed this tiny thing of normalcy in their lives. And he did want to teach his kids that not everything would be done for them. Not now, not ever. They needed to do their parts as well. Right now, it was less of a hassle to ask their chefs to make their food than have them trying to do that anyway. But he missed the times when he could make his own toast in peace and eat it outside. Now he had to tell his ever present guards where he was at all times. It got annoying extremely fast.

His job was challenging and exhausting. And he didn't have nearly enough time with his family. Tony handled his own duties as well as their family. Tom felt guilty about it all. So he wanted to do this, normal everyday things with his family. He missed things like this when he tried to reign his anger in at the sheer idiocy of some people. Sometimes he wanted to throw his desk lamp at some generals and tell them to lighten the fuck up.

But he couldn't do that, so he though of his family while listening to the people around him. He didn't know what kind of coping mechanisms his predecessors had. And he didn't want to know. This all was still so weird to him.

Tony and Penny soon joined them and Penny paused. She had a shocked expression on her face. “Dad didn't cook? Did he?”

Leo glanced at Tom who tried very hard not to laugh and he gave Leo a small nod as if to say ‘have at it kiddo’. 

Leo grinned at his sister. “He sure did.”

Penny paled and Tony looked a bit sick. He had asked Alex once, if Tom was hurt by the jokes on his cooking skills. He wasn't, at least not anymore. And he was an awful cook, Tony couldn't deny it.

Then Leo burst into laughter followed by Tom. When they could breath again, Leo managed to wheeze. “Of course he didn't. I wouldn't do that to you on Christmas. If he had tried, I would have intervened. He asked Rita.”

“Oh good.” Penny looked so relieved that everybody burst into laughter again.

Leo looked at Tom when they had calmed down again. “You were right. It was pretty hilarious.”

“And pretty mean.” Penny grinned.

To Penny Leo told. “That was a payback for telling on me.” Penny stuck her tongue out at him and he did the same. Tom rolled his eyes and Tony was grinning.

“No fighting on Christmas.” He kissed both of their cheeks and the he took a hold of Tom and planted a deep kiss on his lips.

“Oh get a room you two.” Leo groaned.

“We already have a room, thank you very much and you two just invaded it so we came here.” Tony blew his son a kiss. Leo rolled his eyes, but his mouth quirked a little and Tony thought of it as a victory.

Secretly Leo loved how open Tony was with them. Penny just giggled. She loved her dads and she loved that they touched each other like that. One day she wanted to love someone who loved her back as much as her daddies loved each other.

Tony hugged Tom from behind as they watched their kids ribbing each other gently. Tony smiled. Their brand of humor was close to his, but he had gotten used to the little differences quite fast. 

When he had first officially met the family, they had been somber. The kids had even been a little hostile, but he had been determined and had won them all over, with time. He knew that Tom would put them first and he didn't want to give Tom up. He was fortunate that he hadn't had to. 

He could still remember watching this scene in spirit form with the kids’ mother. He looked into the corner where they were and thought he could see a faint outline of them. It could be that his eyes were playing tricks on him. Or it could be that he saw them there because he knew they would there. He smiled a bit wider and winked at the pair.

“Does he know that were are here? Or rather that he is here with you? This is all very complicated.” Tony asked Alex who answered.

“I think he remembers. I don't think he can see us, but he remembers watching this scene, that much is obvious.”

“Okay. For a moment I was worried that we were visible.” Tony admitted, a little sheepish. “And yes, I know you find this ridiculous, but I cannot help it.” 

“Let us watch the scene.” Alex murmured and took his hand in his.

The Tony that had Tom in his arms, smiled at the memory of her. He kissed Tom on the head and the older man turned his head to look at him. “What are you smiling at like that?” 

“Just some good memories.” Tony grinned and leaned in to kiss Tom again.

After that they all sat down to eat. “We should all behave today, after all it IS Christmas.” Tony managed to sound like old money posh before cracking up. His laughter was contagious and soon they were all cackling like fools.

The agents outside on guard duty looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. It was none of their business. They tried to stay out of the private lives of the first family as much as possible.

The laughter of the family infected our watchers as well. Soon they were wiping tears away from their eyes as well.

“Oh Tony, thank you.” Alex wheezed. She took a hold of him and kissed him, on the lips. It was an understatement to say that Tony was shocked.

“What was that for?” He wanted to know. Of course he didn't mind kissing, he loved kissing in fact. And Alex was smoking hot, but Tony preferred his women and all kissing partners to be, well, more alive. And not, you know, ghosts. He had heard about women who had sex with ghosts and he didn't want to know how that happens. And he definitely did not want to be one of those lunatics.

“You saved them, or rather he did.” Alex said and pointed to the older Tony who was not in a spirit form. “And you will.” Alex’s smile had never been so warm before.

“This is still a bit overwhelming.” Tony admitted.

“I know.” Alex said. She took his hand again into hers and squeezed it. Warmth spread through her when her companion squeezed back. They had been doing that awful lot this evening. 

He understood what she couldn't say out loud. She was more than grateful for his support. her family was safe or as safe as the first family could be.

They watched as the family ate together and then opened presents. Alex wanted to linger here as long as she could. She knew that she was ready to move on, but she wanted to have a little bit more time to watch her kids and her husband.

They were both a bit surprised how much time Tom had with his family on this morning. It was pretty obvious that someone had put their foot down. Whether it was Tom himself or Tony or even the both of them, they didn't know.

Alex was sad to inform Tony as the scene faded that “This is all we had to see my dear friend.” Alex looked sad as she snaked her arm around Tony’s and they walked out of the White House.

She had a firm grip on his arm as they reached South lawn of the White House. She looked at him and he knew what was coming. He nodded his head. And away they flew. 

He wasn't scared or even nauseous anymore. And before Tony knew it, they were where they had begun their journey.

No time had passed since they left, but he felt a whole lot lighter than before. He also felt the exhaustion creeping up his body and he yawned. Alex’s nose crinkled as she grinned at her companion.

“Holy crap on a cracker.” Tony commented after his huge yawn. “That all seems like a fantastical dream now.” He confessed.

“It wasn't, Tony, it wasn'tt. You need to remember this all.” Alex kissed his cheek.

“It's time for me to go now.” She smiled and this time the smile reached her eyes and she seemed truly happy and at peace with herself. “There is no one I would rather have raise my family than you Anthony. I believe in you. Now all you have to do is to believe in yourself. Trust that things will go forward as shown with its own weight.” Alex said and continued. 

“I am glad that I got to spend all this time with you.” her smile was blinding.

“I am glad that I got to meet you and spend all this time with you.” Tony said, his smile was a bit sad. He was not ready for her to go yet.

“Are you sure you will not have time to explain ghosts to me?” Tony grinned.

“I am certain.” She laughed warmly. “You're loved. Remember that.” She added. 

“Bye now Tony, be good.” She said as she started fading a way faster and faster until there was no Alex, only light in Tony’s heart.

“Alright, keep your secrets.” He muttered as he felt time starting to move again. He hoped that she had found peace and on some level he knew that she had. 

Tony never forgot her. When things got tough in his life, he always remembered her warmth and her smile. From that he got the courage to move on, to continue. She believed in him and he could not let her down. Failing was always an option, but giving up was not. One might fall down, but one had to always get up and try again.

He entered his home not long after he left the park. He wasn't the same man he was when he had left the apartment. How different he was, only time would tell. 

He pretty much face planted on the bed after he had gotten into his nightclothes. 

He slept soundly until noon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is only the epilogue left.


	11. Every Ending Is a New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two handsome men finally meet in reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. We have reached the end of the first installment. I hope you have enjoyed the ride as much as I have.

Epilogue

Christmas went by as Tony had seen it happen. It confirmed her words. It hadn't been a dream after all, even if it felt like it a bit.

Life continued on as usual. He noticed a few chances here or there. Gibbs didn't head slap him as often as he had before. He also frowned at the team more and had defended him a couple of times. The others didn't understand what had changed, but they could sense it. Tony had to smile as he thought about it. 

Abby was the most shocked of them all. She had gotten used to the fact that Gibbs had a soft spot for her and she could anything and he would back her. Until he didn't, the change was subtle, but the former marine stopped coddling her and she didn't like it. He still brought her caffpows and kissed her cheek when she had done well. He liked her hugs as well. But he was firmer with her and it was a big change and a shock for her.

Tony had easier time at work, which made him stress less. And in the mornings he was actually happy to go to work. It was a wonderful change in his life.

One morning he was on his way to work and popped into a coffee shop to get his first fix of caffeine for the day. It guaranteed that he was in tip top shape when he reached his desk.

He was in his thoughts, but was rudely shaken out of his head as a man pumped into him. 

The man apologized profusely. 

"It's ok. Don't worry about it." Tony commented and smiled at the man. 

The first thing Tony noticed was that the man was cute, handsome even. 

And a bit familiar. 

When their eyes met, Tony’s breath caught in his throat. It was him, Tom Kirkman, his future husband.

Tony covered his surprise at meeting the man here of all places. Granted he hadn't given it much thought, how they would meet. He had presumed it was through work or something, because they didn't have the same circles. This worked as well, better even. 

So he put on the Dinozzo charm.

He winked at the cute man. “A cute guy such as yourself is welcome to pump into me anytime he wants to." The charm was a knee jerk reaction, not a calculated thing. It was how he acted when he felt that he was out of his depth.

Tom blushed and stayed silent. The younger man was a whirlwind of smiles and flirting and he didn't know how to react. It had been so long since he had flirted with anyone else than his wife. He didn't mind the flirting, it was nice to get noticed. 

And the man was handsome, movie star looks and he seemed to like nice suits. The suit he was wearing was high end quality and fit the man like a glove.

Tom found himself wishing that the man would turn and perhaps even bend over so he could get an eyeful. 

Tom had hard time focusing what the man was saying, but he managed it.

“I'm sorry. I have a habit of getting a bit carried away sometimes. Anthony Dinozzo.” He extended his hand at the older man. It was only polite and it never hurt to have good manners.

The man took it with a smile. “Thomas Kirkman, but a handsome fellow as yourself may call me Tom.” Tom didn't know where the courage had come from, but he was pleased with himself.

Tony grinned at the man. “Then you may call me Tony.”

“It is nice to meet you.” Tony continued.

“You too.” Tom agreed. He could not quite draw his hand away from Tony’s hand nor his eyes from the man’s face.

Then Tom did something he thought he would never do again.

“Want to grab a coffee sometime?” he asked.

“Absolutely.” Tony didn't want to pull his hand away either, but he didn't want Gibbs to get grouchy because he was late.

“Here's my card.” Tony gave Tom the card. 

"Turn it around." He winked at Tom. He had written his mobile number behind the card... just in case.

Tom took it and turned it around. He saw Tony’s handwriting behind the card and grinned at the younger man. 

“I'll definitely use it.” Tom grinned and blushed as he realized that they were still holding hands.

“Oh, whoops.” He felt awkward.

“Yes, it is a shame I need to get to work. I wouldn't mind holding your hand through the day.”

“I do have to get going as well.” Tom commented. 

Tony got his coffee and he was watching Tom so keenly as he walked out that he walked into a door. 

It made Tom laugh, but he also ran to help the poor bugger.

“Can you get to work without killing yourself?” Tom sassed. 

“I can try.” Tony smiled and wiped the blood away from his nose. 

Well that was embarrassing he thought. He still took the napkin Tom held out for him to stem the bleeding.

"Way to make an impression." Tony groaned.

“Bye Tony.” Tom laughed. "Stay safe."

“I'll try but can't promise anything. Bye handsome." He grinned at the pleased look the older man gave him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, every ending is a new beginning.
> 
> I have a lot written for this world already, but if there is a scenario you might want to see... Tell me and I might write it for you.
> 
> I love you guys.


End file.
